Finding Serenity

Hey,

Yeah I haven't been around lately. My bad. Been really busy / stressed out, mostly from work. But whatever I'm not going to let it get to me. I'm still alive and more fortunate than many other people in the world so who am I to complain? To those that have contacted me and have been worried, thanks, it's appreciated but no worries, you know me, I'll figure something out.

So all that aside here's some AMV's that I recently watched and really like. AMVs are Anime Music Videos using everyday songs combined with clipped and edited video footage from both anime and video games. There are some really good ones out there that are very well done and get their point across, especially if you've seen the movie or played the game. Anyway.. I watched these recently and really like them.

Beautiful by James Blunt - Video of Final Fantasy X

Final Fantasy - Spirits Within (Funny)

Yeah... some people have to much time, but hey whatever works for you.

Gotta go grab lunch.. damn you people who read this and have blogs of your own.. update or something.

k thanks,

- D -

Recent Haps

I had some comments about my last post and I apologize for not following up with everyone. The quick answer is a friend of mine is going through some medical stuff right now and it makes me sad and angry that there's nothing I can do about it.. I can't physically hit something or endure something to make her better either.

Sorry to people I haven't had a chance to keep in touch with as of late. Work's been stressing be the hell out and I just needed some time to let things reset. It's still hectic but I feel like shooting myself a little less right now. Did the sensory deprivation tank thing last weekend.. it was.. okay. I did learn that salt water in your eyes stings REALLY BAD. I'm not sure what I was expecting.. something a bit more meaningful and self exploratory I guess. Floating in a sound proof pitch black box in salt water.. I could do that at home if done right and not have to pay for it hehe. I'm pretty sure there are other things that would be more of a stress relieve for me than that. The whole experience did lead to a conversation I had with Haruka about self exploration and personal growth and makes me want to get into some meditation or something like that.

In more recent news, I just decided I'm going to go on vacation for a week in two weeks. Going to jet off to LA for E3. I'll be hanging with Koopa so it should be cool. Might be able to hook with Darth for lunch or something while I'm there to. Leaving outta here Tuesday night on the 9th, going to LA until the 12th, leaving there and flying to SF and meeting up with Haruka there then we'll both fly back on the 17th. From a money standpoint, probably not the smartest thing for me to do right now but ya know what.. there's no way to pay back debt if you're FREAKING INSANE. Sooo.. yeah.... West Coast? YES PLEASE.

Also during the hustle of today's breakdowns at work I was browsing through an old friend's website.. least I think she was a friend.. dunno.. but anyway, she did have something on there that I liked which was a section of unsent letters to people she's known in her lifetime and refferred to it as her doing some mental cleaning. Yeah.. maybe I'll have to write some letters of my own. Going through a mental mailing list right now.. and yeah I'd need ALOT of stamps if those letters were ever sent.

Within the last week or so.. another.. friend? ...hit me up on myspace which is amusing considering myspace isn't under my real name or anything associated with my past. But whatever, she hit me up and I was like.. hey, and we correspond here and there and I'm amazed by the places/countries she's lived in so far during her lifetime and I'm just like.. wow.. why haven't I done that and just packed up and left? It did bring back alot of memories talking to her so I'm not sure how I feel bout all of it yet. Whatever though. You figure that all of your past experiences you've had make you the person you are today so why regret anything?

This picture still makes me laugh.



- D -

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Fall to Pieces - Avril Lavigne

I looked away
Then I look back at you
You try to say
The things that you can't undo
If I had my way
I'd never get over you
Today's the day
I pray that we make it through

Make it through the fall
Make it through it all

[Chorus:]
And I don't wanna fall to pieces
I just want to sit and stare at you
I don't want to talk about it
And I don't want a conversation
I just want to cry in front of you
I don't want to talk about it
Cuz I'm in Love With you

You're the only one,
I'd be with till the end
When I come undone
You bring me back again
Back under the stars
Back into your arms

[Chorus]

Wanna know who you are
Wanna know where to start
I wanna know what this means

Wanna know how you feel
Wanna know what is real
I wanna know everything, everything

[Chorus without last line]

[Chorus]

I'm in love with you
Cuz i'm in love with you
I'm in love with you
I'm in love with you

The things I cannot change

Bad things happen to good people everyday. It's not something you can be angry about, it's just reality. Course, you can be angry about good things happening to bad people. Eitherway, not much you can do about it.

Try your best.

- D -

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Sound of Silence - Emiliana Torrini version

Hello darkness, my old friend,
I've come to talk with you again,
Because a vision softly creeping,
Left its seeds while I was sleeping,
And the vision that was planted in my brain
Still remains
Within the sound of silence.

In restless dreams I walked alone
Narrow streets of cobblestone,
'Neath the halo of a street lamp,
I turned my collar to the cold and damp
When my eyes were stabbed by the flash of a neon light
That split the night
And touched the sound of silence.

And in the naked light I saw
Ten thousand people, maybe more.
People talking without speaking,
People hearing without listening,
People writing songs that voices never share
And no one dare
Disturb the sound of silence.

"Fools" said I, "You do not know
Silence like a cancer grows.
Hear my words that I might teach you,
Take my arms that I might reach you."
But my words like silent raindrops fell,
And echoed
In the wells of silence

And the people bowed and prayed
To the neon god they made.
And the sign flashed out its warning,
In the words that it was forming.
And the sign said, "The words of the prophets
are written on the subway walls
And tenement halls."
And whisper'd in the sounds of silence.

Rope burns from hanging on

Nothing, nothing at all to write about. Been to busy / burned out. I'm sure I've done something fun or other lately but damned if I can think of any of it right now. Lots of drama everywhere. Work... yeah.. if I didn't have bills (which I still have to pay), I'd so quit and get out of the corporate world. I kind of like my soul or the thought of still having it, but everday I come to work, I lose another piece of it.

I need to be on a tropical island all Lord of the Flies style for a little bit.. maybe with a couple of items.. but still. Solitude and sensory deprivation. Yes.

I remember a conversation I had with PT about this song.. he's like.. of course I know Sukiyaki, I'm Asian.. well who can argue with that logic?

---
Sukiyaki - Utada Hikaru version

It's all because of you
I'm feeling sad and blue
You went away
Now my life is just a rainy day
I love you so
How much you'll never know
You've gone away and left me lonely

Untouchable memories
Seem to keep haunting me
Of love so true
That once turned all my gray skies blue
But you disappeared
Now my eyes are filled with tears
I wish that you were here with me

Soaked with love all my thoughts of you
Now that you're gone I don't know what to do

If only you were here
You'd wash away my tears
The sun would shine
Once again you'll be mine all mine
But in reality
You and I will never be
Cuz you took your love away from me

If only you were here
You'd wash away my tears
The sun would shine
Once again you'll be mine all mine
But in reality
You and I will never be
Cuz you took your love away from me
Oh baby
You took your love away from me

Days gone by

This morning between meetings and conversations that I had almost 0 interest in being in, I found myself listening to or thinking about old school stuff I used to listen to or watch.

I wonder how many people out there have ever seen the movie.. Rad. Hehe.. yes.. I wasn't a skater growing up, but give me a bike and it was all about the jumping ramps.. and doing tricks that would only lead to pain and bruising. (I was injured less doing that stuff than freaking rollerblading....shut up Donovan).

It's to bad my bro Elvis never reads this blog, he'd appreciate one of the songs I had playing earlier.

- D -

Awesome.. just got back from a meeting and afterwards was talking to a friend of mine and was like.. ever have a conversation or a meeting where you just kinda stare at someone and see their lips moving and not understand a single word coming out of their mouth? Yes... and yes it was in English.

They spinnin they spinnin they spinnin

My sis sent me this link.. I dunno why but I find it very amusing.. probably because it lights up and I'm a product of advertising..

http://www.fugly.com/videos/5015/Pimp_Star.html

haha 12k for a cheap set of those..

- D -

Today's Horrible Scope

"If there's a festering disagreement nobody wants to get into, and it's plaguing one of your relationships, don't let it fester any longer than it has already. A wound has to be cleaned, no matter how painful the process may be, before it can heal. In this case, the cleansing process can only start after you've broached the subject. Bring it out into the light. Give it a little fresh air. You'll be glad you did."

Ha. Ha I say.

I'm going to listen to rock ballads now and pretend that I don't mind working right now.

It's time..

To bring out my beloved jacket! hehe. It's starting to get warm but it's still a bit rainy here. That whole April showers line.. kinda true I suppose. I want to post something witty or something sincere.. but at the same time I'm just like (raise finger here) and not feeling it right now. To much crap to do at work and lack of good sound sleep will do that.

I'll write something um.. with substance later.

- D -

Today's Lyrics

Hmm now I just have to post something in Chinese.. Viet.. Korean.. meh.. to much work.

---

- D -


Endless Sorrow - Ayumi Hamasaki

Tatoeba hitorikiri de
Nani mo mienaku natta to shite
Tatoeba sore demo mada
Mae ni susumou to suru no nara

Koko e kite, kono te wo

Kimi ni moshi tsubasa ga
Hitotsu shika nakutemo
Boku ni moshi tsubasa ga
Hitotsu shika nokotte nakutemo

Tatoeba shinjiru mono
Nani hitotsu naku natta to shite
Tatoeba soko niwa tada
Zetsubou dake ga nokotta nara

Douka kono inori wo

Hane no nai tenshi ga
Afureteru jidai de

Kimi ni moshi tsubasa ga
Nokosarete nakutemo
Boku ni moshi tsubasa ga
Hitotsu demo nokotte iru nara
Issho ni... issho ni...

Alih ca dai.

Puem mai yak ja tum yahn. Yak ja gup bahn bai nun se wuh. Chiphai
qien pasai Thai mai dai. Mai me kai te ja puut gup doi. Mai lou
wah ja tum yeng yai.

Low Battery - Return to Energizer

I need to recharge soon... it's an interesting thing to not only be physically tired but mentally and spiritually at the same time.

Cable and Internet are still out at the apartment. Comcast sucks. Actually I think it's more people I live with in the building suck and they keep unhooking my cable.. dunno... either way I'm going to kick someone in the face if I find out what's causing the issue.

Was thinking of doing this rafting trip with Haruka eventually. She's a die hard rafting fan and me? I like water.. I like snow.. and this looks pretty..



Still haven't done the sen dep tank.. that's annoying but whatever. Annoyed with all this work I have to do.. but if it were easy I guess it wouldn't be called work.

Meh, I'll write more when I'm a bit more revived.

- D -

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Cascada - Everytime We Touch

(VERSE 1)
I still hear your voice when you sleep next to me
I still feel your touch in my dreams
Forgive me my weakness, but I don't know why
Without you it's hard to survive

(CHORUS)
'Cause everytime we touch, I get this feeling
And everytime we kiss I swear I could fly
Can't you feel my heart beat fast,
I want this to last
Need you by my side

'Cause everytime we touch, I feel the static
And everytime we kiss I reach for the sky
Can't you hear my heart beat slow
I can't let you go
Want you in my life

(music)

(VERSE 2)
Your arms are my castle
Your heart is my sky
They wipe away tears that I cry
The good and the bad times
We've been through them all
You make me rise when I fall

(CHORUS)

Curious

Why can't I be a carefree animated monkey?

Yeah.. that's right.. I'm jealous of the monkey.

And how are you doing?

- D -

---

Jack Johnson - Upside Down

Who's to say
What's impossible
Well they forgot
This world keeps spinning
And with each new day
I can feel a change in everything
And as the surface breaks reflections fade
But in some ways they remain the same
And as my mind begins to spread its wings
There's no stopping curiosity

I want to turn the whole thing upside down
I'll find the things they say just can't be found
I'll share this love I find with everyone
We'll sing and dance to Mother Nature's songs
I don't want this feeling to go away

Who's to say
I can't do everything
Well I can try
And as I roll along I begin to find
Things aren't always just what they seem

I want to turn the whole thing upside down
I'll find the things they say just can't be found
I'll share this love I find with everyone
We'll sing and dance to Mother Nature's songs
This world keeps spinning and there's no time to waste
Well it all keeps spinning spinning round and round and

Upside down
Who's to say what's impossible and can't be found
I don't want this feeling to go away

Please don't go away
Please don't go away
Please don't go away
Is this how it's supposed to be
Is this how it's supposed to be

Windy City My Ass

So that's great. Sucks for the people down south who got hit by tornados yesterday, and apparently all that wind and such is still going through Chicago. So while walking across the street to lunch.. FOOMP.. glasses fly off my face and went to where everything that we lose goes.. AWAY. Awesome. Called the place I got em from and said I need replacements.. they say.. wait.. didn't you get these a month ago? My response.. yeah.. it's windy outside. So now -$384 and a week wait later I'll be able to see and not suffer crappy migraines.

I'm starting to think that whole Karma thing is a bunch of BULLSHIT.

----

Smashing Pumpkins - Bullet With Butterfly Wings

The world is a vampire, sent to drain
Secret destroyers, hold you up to the flames
And what do I get, for my pain?
Betrayed desires, and a piece of the game

Even though I know - I suppose I'll show
All my cool and cold - like old job

Despite all my rage I am still just a rat in a cage
Despite all my rage I am still just a rat in a cage
Then someone will say what is lost can never be saved
Despite all my rage I am still just a rat in a cage

Now I'm naked, nothing but an animal
But can you fake it, for just one more show?
And what do you want?
I want to change
And what have you got, when you feel the same?

Even though I know - I suppose I'll show
All my cool and cold - like old job

Despite all my rage I am still just a rat in a cage
Despite all my rage I am still just a rat in a cage
Then someone will say what is lost can never be saved
Despite all my rage I am still just a rat in a cage

Tell me I'm the only one
Tell me there's no other one
Jesus was the only son, yeah.
Tell me I'm the chosen one
Jesus was the only son for you

Despite all my rage I am still just a rat in a cage
Despite all my rage I am still just a rat in a cage
And I still believe that I cannot be saved
Despite all my rage I am still just a rat in a cage

Despite all my rage am I still just a rat in a-
Despite all my rage am I still just a rat in a-
Despite all my rage am I still just a rat in a cage

Tell me I'm the only one
Tell me there's no other one
Jesus was the only son

[x4]
And I still beleive that I cannot be saved

Mr Ed's got nothin on this..

Was watching my daily dose of Rockeboom and at the end of the show from the 9th they have a link to.. singing horses.. I don't know why but it's damned amusing haha.

- D -

The brighter side to any day

Happiest Birthday Wishes to Emy Lee and Ninja Diva today. It won't be long until these twins take over the world =)



- D -

----

"It's My Birthday" - Tallulah

It's my birthday.. all day
It's my birthday... all day!
It's my birthdayyy all dayyyy...

(Actually I don't know if there's more words than that to the song.
---

Just upon a smile

Maxipriest - Wild World (Cover) (Original - Cat Stevens)

Now that I've lost everything to you
You say you want to start something new
And it's breaking my heart you're leaving
Baby I'm grieving

But if you want to leave take good care
Hope you find a lot of nice things to wear
But then a lot of nice things turn bad
Out there

(Chorus)
Oh baby baby it's a wild world
It's hard to get by just upon a smile
Oh baby baby it's a wild world
I'll always remember you like a child girl

You know I've seen a lot of what the world can do
And it's breaking my heart in two
Because I never want to see you sad girl
Don't be a bad girl

But if you want to leave take good care
Hope you find a lot of nice friends out there
Just remember there's a lot of bad air
Beware

(Chorus)

You know I've seen a lot of what the world can do
And it's breaking my heart in two
Because I never want to see you sad girl
Don't be a bad girl

But if you want to leave take good care
Hope you find a lot of nice friends out there
Just remember there's a lot of bad air
Beware

(Chorus)

How are you feeling?

[08:58] Naudia: Mornin
[08:58] Dhavid: hey
[08:58] Naudia: How are ya this morning?
[08:59] Dhavid: i have this analogy about that all morning
[08:59] Dhavid: I feel like a used latex glove that was used in a body cavity search.

Yeah.. I'll be doing the sensory deprivation tank fairly soon. That should be cool and therapeutic at the same time heh.

- D -

A dynamo of silence eh?

From the daily Asian Calendar thingy that Tallulah gave me.

"Every person needs a retreat, a "dynamo" of silence, where he may go fo rthe exclusive purpose of being newly recharged by the Infinite." -- Paramahansa Yogananda

Yeah.. I need a dynamo of silence. I remembered I used to want my own Sensory Deprivation tank. Not in that Michael Jackson way, just because it would be nice to once in awhile shut out everything and force yourself to meditate and face and personal inner demons you may have.

Actually.. I think I'll go look into that..

Ohmigod.. Diva and Emy are going to be how old soon? ... whoa.

- D -

----

Yeah Well

Yeah.. I admit it, I like this song.. so what?! hehe.

- D -

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t.A.T.u - All About Us (Partial)

It's all about us (it's all about us)
It's all about us (it's all about us)
And no-one can trust (it's all about us)
It's all about us

They don’t know.
They can’t see.
Who we are.
Fear is the enemy.
Hold on tight,
hold on to me.
‘cause tonight…

It's all about us
It’s all about, all about us
There's a theme that they can't touch
'cause you know - us

Spilled diet coke pt2

Hmm haven't heard this song in awhile.

Evanescence - My Immortal

i'm so tired of being here
suppressed by all of my childish fears
and if you have to leave
i wish that you would just leave
because your presence still lingers here
and it won't leave me alone

these wounds won't seem to heal
this pain is just too real
there's just too much that time cannot erase

when you cried i'd wipe away all of your tears
when you'd scream i'd fight away all of your fears
and i've held your hand through all of these years
but you still have all of me

you used to captivate me
by your resonating light
but now i'm bound by the life you left behind
your face it haunts my once pleasant dreams
your voice it chased away all the sanity in me

these wounds won't seem to heal
this pain is just too real
there's just too much that time cannot erase

when you cried i'd wipe away all of your tears
when you'd scream i'd fight away all of your fears
and i've held your hand through all of these years
but you still have all of me

i've tried so hard to tell myself that you're gone
and though you're still with me
i've been alone all along

No use crying over spilled diet coke

Bother, I just spilled diet coke all over my shoe mid sentence with a coworker.. there was a slight pause and.. meh.. ok moving on then.

BOOM BOOM BOOM crunk BOOM BOOM diva BOOM BOOM jpop... yeah so that's how it sounds in my car right now hehe. Upgraded the car stereo due to one of my bday gifts this year. Rockin the Kenwood deck and the Alpine speakers amps and subs.. WOOT.

This is still one of the best sci-fi series ever Space Above and Beyond. PT got the series for me and we make it a point to marathon a bunch of episodes each weekend.

Meh.. sleepy.. gonna do some work post later.

- D -

PS. Curious George is in fact a cute movie. Even if it didn't have laser guns or weapons of mass destruction.. doh hope that doesnt set off any government alerts hehe. Last thing I need is the FBI storming through my door yelling PUT THE MONKEY.. DOWN!

Enneagram what? Does it sing?

Damn Donovan and his tests...

Link: The Quick and Painless ENNEAGRAM Test

The Helper
Test finished!
you chose CX - your Enneagram type is TWO.

"I must help others"

Helpers are warm, concerned, nurturing, and sensitive to other people's needs.

How to Get Along with Me

Tell me that you appreciate me. Be specific.
Share fun times with me.
Take an interest in my problems, though I will probably try to focus on yours.
Let me know that I am important and special to you.
Be gentle if you decide to criticize me.

In Intimate Relationships

Reassure me that I am intersting to you.
Reassure me often that you love me.
Tell me I'm attractive and that you're glad to be seen with me.

What I Like About Being a Two

being able to relate easily to people and to make friends
knowing what people need and being able to make their lives better
being generous, caring, and warm
being sensitive to and perceptive about others' feelings
being enthusiastic and fun-loving, and having a good sense of humor

What's Hard About Being a Two

not being able to say no
having low self-esteem
feeling drained from overdoing for others
not doing things I really like to do for myself for fear of being selfish
criticizing myself for not feeling as loving as I think I should
being upset that others don't tune in to me as much as I tume in to them
working so hard to be tactful and considerate that I suppress my real feelings

Twos as Children Often

are very sensitive to disapproval and criticism
try hard to please their parents by being helpful and understanding
are outwardly compliant
are popular or try to be popular with other children
act coy, precocious, or dramatic in order to get attention
are clowns and jokers (the more extroverted Twos), or quiet and shy (the more introverted Twos)

Twos as Parents

are good listeners, love their children unconditionally, and are warm and encouraging (or suffer guilt if they aren't)
are often playful with their children
wonder: "Am I doing it right?" "Am I giving enough?" "Have I caused irreparable damage?"
can become fiercely protective
---

Well Damn.

- D -

Ultra Combooooooo

Spoke to Tallulah this morning and I guess I didn't sound to thrilled about being at work when I answered the phone. She says.. wow you sound like you're done with the day already. To which I responded with.. yeah I guess that's bad when it's only 9am. It was highly amusing to me :P

Last weekend sucked. Not just a little. But alot. On two days my battery was dead, thus prompting me to have it changed. So fine. Two jumpstarts later.. go to Pep Boys to buy a battery.. would have to leave the car overnight to have them install it.. F That! So.. Panda Thug and I decide.. ok let's do it ourselves. Yeah.. Hours later in the arctic weather we still can't get this ONE FREAKING BOLT off of the old battery.. so we hook the old one back up and drive to PT's house where his Dad, having mad skills, proceeds to take the old battery out with the use of a screwdriver and a tire iron... Yeah ok, so I learned a couple things that night about fixing cars. Everything's back up and running now so that's cool however now my radio's jacked because I didn't know the security code. Awesome.

I should get to work to much stuff to do and I have to make sure I keep my job since ya know, bills and all. Just wanted to let peeps know I'm still alive.

Things were much easier back in the day when my priorities were making sure I was on time for Q-Zar matches and owning people at Killer Instinct, Mortal Kombat and Street Fighter.



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Neo - So Sick of Love Songs (Partial)

And im so sick of love songs
So tired of tears
So done with wishing you were still here
Said im so sick of love songs so sad and slow
So why cant i turn off the radio?

Gotta fix that calender i have
Thats marked July 15th
Because since theres no more you
Theres no more anniversary
Im so fed up with my thoughts of you
And your memory
And how every song reminds me
Of what used to be

Thats the reason im so sick of love songs
So tired of tears
So done with wishing you were still here
Said im so sick of love songs so sad and slow
So why cant i turn off the radio?

(Leave me alone)
Leave me alone
(Stupid love songs)
Dont make me think about her smile
Or having my first child
Let it go
Turning off the radio

Groan. Fear This

From Donovan's blog.

Fill this out about me.. email me or post it and depending on your answers I *may* publish it hehe. And post it yourself if you have a blog so I can fill it out for you as well. Damn.. I'm not sure if I want to see some answers to some of these that people I know would come up with. Sure am glad like.. less than 5 people read this...

My name:

Who is the love of my life:

Where did we meet:

Take a stab at my middle name:

How long have you known me:

When is the last time that we saw each other:

Do I smoke:

Do I drink:

When is my birthday:

What was your first impression upon meeting me:

Do I have any siblings:

What’s one of my favorite things to do:

Am I funny:

What’s my favorite type of music:

What is the best feature about me:

Am I shy or outgoing:

Am I a rebel or do I follow the rules:

Do I have any special talents:

Would you consider me a friend/good friend:

Would you call me preppy, average, sporty, punk, hippie, glam, nerdy, snobby, or something else (what):

What is a memory we have once had:

Have you ever hugged me:

Do you miss me…do you think i miss you:

What is my favorite food:

Have you ever had a crush on me:

If there was one good nickname for me, what would it be:

What’s your favorite memory of me:

Who do I like right now:

What is my worst habit:

If you and I were stranded on a desert island, whats one thing you would bring:

Are we friends:

Will you repost this so I can do it for you?

A grrish kind of day

Aquarius

Daily extended (by Astrology.com)

A very close friend or a member of your current peer group -- who means a great deal to you -- has recently found it necessary to go out of their way to tick you off. At least, that's the way it seems. It's worked, too -- better than it should have. You're not just angry, you're furious. Before you let go and let them have it, be sure you're right. Feeling righteous is far better than feeling guilty.
----

Was wondering why I've been wanting to kick someone's ass since I woke up this morning...it needs to be Friday.. now.

- D -

The Sith Cake

Were you surprised? I was surprised.
I really need to stop smoking...Victory is mine!

An Inside Connection?

Huh.. I think Haruka has an inside contact at astrology.com or wherever yahoo gets their horoscopes from.

Aquarius

Daily extended (by Astrology.com)
The heavens have arranged for us all to be feeling quite sentimental today, right on cue -- and yes, that goes for you, too, even though you usually don't allow yourself to gush. No matter how much you pride yourself on being objective and detached, however, you'll absolutely give in; so put all that aside and spoil your partner until they can't stand it any more -- which may, of course, never happen.

----

How much I pride myself on being objective and detached huh... Interesting.

So take me back to Constantinople
No, you can't go back to Constantinople
Been a long time gone, Constantinople
Why did Constantinople get the works
That's nobody's business but the Turks

- D -

Once Again Into the Breach

I feel I'm awake way to early on my birthday. If I didn't have all these damn meetings scheduled at work today pfft I'd soooo spend the day in bed... probably most of the night to just so I can sleep through it, however one of the drawbacks on having your bday on Valentine's Day is that hiding away for the whole day isn't so much an option. Sall good though. Other than the damn I'm getting another year old factor, things are pretty good.

This is dope. If you're using Winamp, there's this skin you can download that turns your Winamp into a virtual Ipod nano. It's great just because it works exactly like a real nano control wise and menu wise, makes me laugh. Check it here if you want.

Haruka and I are having a fancy like dinner at this place Foco de Chao. I guess it's a Brazilian BBQ place where they pretty much serve you meat from carts they roll around... yeah ok sounds good hehe.

Got my review at work today so cross your fingers for me.. a good review = more money = less debt = happy me.

I'll see if I can post later but no promises.. it's gonna be a hell of a day I'm thinkin.

Happy Valentine's Day.. and if you couldnt give a crap about Valentine's Day, might I suggest the Anti Valentine's Day marathon on Sci Fi Channel? Ok good.

- D -

---

REO Speedwagon - Can't Fight This Feeling Anymore


I can't fight this feeling any longer.
And yet I'm still afraid to let it flow.
What started out as friendship,
Has grown stronger.
I only wish I had the strength to let it show.
I tell myself that I can't hold out forever.
I said there is no reason for my fear.
Cause I feel so secure when we're together.
You give my life direction,
You make everything so clear.
And even as I wander,
I'm keeping you in sight.
You're a candle in the window,
On a cold, dark winter's night.
And I'm getting closer than I ever thought I might.
And I can't fight this feeling anymore.
I've forgotten what I started fighting for.
It's time to bring this ship into the shore,
And throw away the oars, forever.
Cause I can't fight this feeling anymore.
I've forgotten what I started fighting for.
And if I have to crawl upon the floor,
Come crashing through your door,
Baby, I can't fight this feeling anymore.
My life has been such a whirlwind since I saw you.
I've been running around in circles in my mind.
And it always seems that I'm following you, girl,
Cause you take me to the places,
That alone I'd never find.
And even as I wander,
I'm keeping you in sight.
You're a candle in the window,
On a cold, dark winter's night.
And I'm getting closer than I ever thought I might.
And I can't fight this feeling anymore.
I've forgotten what I started fighting for.
It's time to bring this ship into the shore,
And throw away the oars, forever.
Cause I can't fight this feeling anymore.
I've forgotten what I started fighting for.
And if I have to crawl upon the floor,
Come crashing through your door,
Baby, I can't fight this feeling anymore.

More Ninja Love

hahah Rocket Boom

Huh.. vlogs are interesting..

- D -

Time time time, see what's become of me

Hoy!

So I have to say, its a bit difficult for me to post right now. This is due to the fact that after going to the eye doctor Sunday, I've learned that my eyes are oval... to which my response was "No crap, I'm Asian". The doc was semi amused. But yeah.. turns out I need glasses so that I can ya know.. see, and not get these knife stabbing migraines I've been getting the past couple of weeks.

Ok so recap.

Saturday was a good day which is something you don't often hear me say this close to my birthday. But props to Haruka as she masterminded a surprise birthday party for me with friends of mine from all different 'groups'. We met up at a Thai restaurant where I had thought we were just meeting Digiblonde and her husband Bones for dinner and as we walked up to this huge table with all these people sitting there.. it took me a little time to figure out who they all were. Needless to say I was pleasantly surprised. Dinner was good but it was like being at a wedding where you have to bounce around from table to table to talk to all of your guests so you could not be rude. Sadly this caused me to only be able to have one slice of the cake of POWER that Haruka got for me. It was a big uhh three layer cake.. choco, vanilla, and cheesecake with strawberry in it. The outside had blue frosting which hahahah stained peoples' teeth and tongues making it look like an orgy of Smurfyness, and to top it off it was a Star Wars cake hahahaha with a Darth Vader voice changer on the top of it. I was sitting there after dinner and was wondering why some of my friends started humming 'The Imperial March'. Afterwards some of us took a looooong drive to a pool hall where I proceeded to KICK Haruka's ass.. yes.. but that's ok, she owns me in bowling nyah.

Thanks to everyone who came and contributed and was there in spirit (as they couldn't get their asses there).

- D -

------
The Bangles - Hazy Shade of Winter (partial)

Look around
Leaves are brown
And the sky
Is a hazy shade of winter

Hang on to your hopes my friend
That's an easy thing to say
But if your hopes should pass away
Simply pretend
That you can build them again

Look around
Grass is high
Fields are ripe
It's the springtime of my life

Seasons change with the scenery
Weaving time in a tapestry
Won't you stop and remember me

Look around
Leaves are brown
And the sky
It's a hazy shade of winter

Look around
Leaves are brown
There's a patch of snow on the ground

I can see clearly now the snow is gone

Actually that's a lie.. actually its two lies. The snow is not in fact, gone, and my sight.. that's going. Got an eye exam on Sunday, I'm not to thrilled about. I guess I really am getting old huh?

Lately either I haven't had enough sleep or my eyes are getting hella strained from being in front of a computer all day at work and reading alot more than I was a couple months ago. As of right now, my new best friend is this. Apparently it may have alot to do with it. Something called Computer Vision Syndrome. Awesome. I'll see what the doc thinks on Sunday.

Work has been killing me as well. If it weren't for ya know.. bills and having to be responsible... man I'd so move right now. I'm not even sure where. I'd move to just about anywhere.. Cali.. Japan.. Australia.. Thailand..no scratch that I wouldn't go to Thailand cept for vacation maybe. To many Thai people there that would give me shit for not being born there.

Busy weekend or not. I have to plan my weekends 1 to 2 weeks ahead of time right now. It gets on my nerves a bit. I like the option of.. doing nothing, followed by with some sitting still.. maybe followed by some tv and more nothing. Nothing of course, consists of sleeping and sitting still without having to exert much energy to do anything. A friend of mine wonders if I have SAD. I find all that depression stuff is a load of crap. I'm more of the school of thought that your mind can overcome anything and that you should just have to make yourself stronger and more immune to things that try to bring you down and hold you back. Course.. if that were the case alot of doctors / shrinks would be out of business I guess.

Meh.. whatever I need to go work for a few more hours before I can go home..

Lates.

- D -

PS. Check out Imogen Heap, she's pretty dope. Thanks to Darth MC for introducing me.

Also, thanks to Emy Lee for the letter, it's great you got a chance to play with markers hehe.

----

Imogen Heap - Hide and Seek (partial)

where are we? what the hell is going on?
the dust has only just began to fall
crop circles in the carpet, sinking, feeling
spin me around again and rub my eyes
this can't be happening
when busy streets a mess with people would stop to hold their heads heavy

hide and seek
trains and sewing machines?
all those years they were here first

oily marks appear on walls
where pleasue moments hung before
the takeover, the sweeping insensitivity of this
still alive

So you want to be a ninja?

Ohmigod.. this site is freaking hilarious!

http://askaninja.blogspot.com

Check out the Q&A videos buhahahhaha

- D -

I Blame Smallville

Recently, the TV show Smallville used this song in a very fitting scene... I think the only thing that would strike be as truly beautiful is the idea of having no credit card debt. DOH!

James Blunt - You're Beautiful

My life is brilliant.
My love is pure.
I saw an angel.
Of that I'm sure.
She smiled at me on the subway.
She was with another man.
But I won't lose no sleep on that,
'Cause I've got a plan.

You're beautiful. You're beautiful.
You're beautiful, it's true.
I saw you face in a crowded place,
And I don't know what to do,
'Cause I'll never be with you.

Yeah, she caught my eye,
As we walked on by.
She could see from my face that I was,
Fucking high,
And I don't think that I'll see her again,
But we shared a moment that will last till the end.

You're beautiful. You're beautiful.
You're beautiful, it's true.
I saw you face in a crowded place,
And I don't know what to do,
'Cause I'll never be with you.
You're beautiful. You're beautiful.
You're beautiful, it's true.
There must be an angel with a smile on her face,
When she thought up that I should be with you.
But it's time to face the truth,
I will never be with you.

Word

This is my horoscope for today.

The consequences of speaking your mind with blunt honesty haven't ever deterred you from telling the truth. So when someone from the past arrives and expects you to be nice, they'll be in for quite the surprise -- especially if the relationship ended because of something disreputable they deliberately did to you. Needless to say, keeping quiet, no matter what the consequences, may be even more difficult for you now. Don't even try. Let 'em have it!

Shiiiiiiiiit..... who's it gonna be? COME GET SOME!

After having slept like crap last night due to some wanna be Quentin Tarantino like nightmare, I'm good to let out some anger. Yes.

- D -

---

Young Jeezy - Soul Survivor

[Chorus]
If you lookin' for me I'll be on the block
With my thang cocked possibly sittin' on a drop now
Cause I'm a rida (Yeah)
I'm just a Soul Survivor (Yeah)

Cause er'body know the game don't stop
Tryin' to make it to the top for your ass get popped now
If you a rida (Yeah)
Or just a Soul Survivor (Yeah)

Freakin blogspot

I'm highly annoyed that the right side of my blog has suddenly gone stupid. I've checked the code in various html editors and it should work and the profile / archive / links etc should be displayed directly to the right of the top post but well like a gamer trying to dance without a DDR pad.. not so much.

Awesome.

12+ more days of being annoyed with life. Well... extra annoyed I mean. Though I did have a 3 year old sing to me yesterday, that was pretty cute. Yeah I said cute. Get over it.

- D -

Cuz mayyyyybeeee

Oasis - Wonderwall

Today is gonna be the day
That they're gonna throw it back to you
By now you should've somehow
Realized what you gotta do
I don't believe that anybody
Feels the way I do about you now

Backbeat the word was on the street
That the fire in your heart is out
I'm sure you've heard it all before
But you never really had a doubt
I don't believe that anybody feels
The way I do about you now

And all the roads we have to walk along are winding
And all the lights that lead us there are blinding
There are many things that I would
Like to say to you
I don't know how

Because maybe
You're gonna be the one who saves me?
And after all
You're my wonderwall

Today was gonna be the day
But they'll never throw it back to you
By now you should've somehow
Realized what you're not to do
I don't believe that anybody
Feels the way I do
About you now

And all the roads that lead to you were winding
And all the lights that light the way are blinding
There are many things that I would like to say to you
I don't know how

I said maybe
You're gonna be the one who saves me?
And after all
You're my wonderwall

I said maybe
You're gonna be the one who saves me?
And after an
You're my wonderwall

Said maybe
You're gonna be the one that saves me
You're gonna be the one that saves me
You're gonna be the one that saves me

Punk'd or Not

So the other day Haruka and I were at the grocery store and I was like.. Hey I'm gonna buy some steaks for dinner.. sounds good right? So I saunter, yes, saunter, over to the butcher and got some steaks.. he wraps them up and goes.. "That'll be $41.00". And I just kind of stand there for a moment blinking. Let me explain how this works for guys. There are two possible outcomes at that moment.

1) Say nevermind and walk away.. quickly.

2) Suck it up and pay for it.

So I couldn't punk out and go with option 1, so those were the tastiest steaks ever.. not really but that night they were.

So today.. I go to Dunkin Donuts cuz I figure.. hey I'll buy donuts and bagles for my team just cuz. I order a dozen donuts and a dozen bagels and the girl working there asks me.. how many cream cheeses you want? So here's me thinking they were the little ass individual onces.. so I say.. SIX. She kind of stares at me.. says four should be good. So I'm like fine four whatever. Turns out they were 4 TUBS of cream cheese. Ain't no one need that much cream cheese lemme tell you. So the guy at the cash register rings me up and says $27. Again, presented with the "not gonna get punked" moment. Good job credit card! Who knew that cream cheese was so freakin expensive.. guess thats what happens when you buy FOUR TUBS.. oops.

- D -

Faith

Damn.. I'm old. In less than a month I'll be a full year older than I was last Februrary. (yes I know). Just damn. Nothing up much lately. More work. More sleep. More not sleeping. Not as much gaming. Getting back into reading so that's good. I've also finally started using the DVD burner on my computer. It's kinda dope to download imports of movies and anime, burn em to dvd to watch em on my TV instead of on the PC.. I mean... I don't download stuff because that's wrong.

Something that's annoying to me is if you go to yahoo.com and run a search for "something more to life" it pulls up almost nothing except religious sites. Why is it that if you feel like you want something more out of life or you're looking for something that it's automatically assumed that you need faith and Jesus in your life? Am I against religion and sacarafice goats in my backyard? No, I don't have a backyard. But, I think there is more out there aside from religion being the answer. My view on some people and religion is that they worship blindly and are so devoted because they *need* something to believe in and for them, religion is it. To each his own, I'm not judging them and for all I know, they're the smart ones.

Lame. Back to work.
----

Poison - Something to Believe in

I drive by the homeless sleeping on a cold dark street
Like bodies in an open grave
Underneath the broken old neon sign
That used to read JESUS SAVES

A mile away live the rich folks
And I see how they're living it up
While the poor they eat from hand to mouth
The rich is drinkin' from a golden cup

And it just makes me wonder
Why so many lose, so few win

And give me something to believe in
If there's a Lord above
And give me something to believe in
Oh, Lord arise

You take the high road
And I'll take the low road

Sometimes I wish to God I didn't know now
The things I didn't know then

And give me something to believe in

No Post Today

That's the way - Shellshock
Hold on!It's never enough
It's never enough until your heart stops beating
The deeper you get, the sweeter the pain
Don't give up the game until your heart stops beating

You call me on the phone, you left me all alone
All I get from you is shellshock
Another day goes by and all I do is cry
All I get from you is shellshock
I'd tell the world and save my soul
But rain falls down and I feel cold
A cold that sleeps within my heart
It tears the earth and sun apart
But that's the way that I can win
A victim of your evil sin
You've lost the hold you've had on me
By causing the changes that you never see
Hold on! It's never enough
It's never enough until your heart stops beating
The deeper you get, the sweeter the pain
Don't give up the game until your heart stops beating

When we walk through open doorways,
Counting time in one or more ways
We can't find our peace of mind
And life becomes a life of crime
And that's the day I call your name
I came to you, I called in vain
You lost the faith within your heart
The fire in your soul from the end to the start
Hold on!It's never enough
It's never enough until your heart stops beating
The deeper you get, the sweeter the pain
Don't give up the game until your heart stops beating

I've been good and I've been bad
But common sense I've never had
No matter how I try and try,
I hide the truth behind a lie
But that's the way that I can win
A victim of your evil sin
You lost the faith within your heart
The fire in your soul from the end to the start
Hold on!It's never enough
It's never enough until your heart stops beating
The deeper you get, the sweeter the pain
Don't give up the game until your heart stops beating

Indigo Child

Read this article. Those of you who know about 'Indigo' may find this amusing. I know I do.

Told you I'm going to save the freaking world someday. Thanks to Joan for forwarding me the email from her mum.

http://www.nytimes.com/2006/01/12/fashion/thursdaystyles/12INDIGO.html?pagewanted=print

- D -

Work makes me numb

It's funny that my cubicle is in the back corner next to the window. The rest of the department is all in front of me. This is nice because then I can browse and do things like this without anyone looking at my screen and if people have questions they usually hit me up on chat or walk over to my desk. Just now a guy who I dubbed 'Dusty' (because he reminds me of an old looking Bubba Gump), walked over to ask me a question and in the back of my mind I was like.. That's right you best walk over here with your dumbass question than have me come to you!.
Work makes me angry and numb alot. I need a vacation, a real one, that doesn't suck, that won't make me die inside because it costs so much. Yes.
---
Song of the Moment

Linkin Park - Numb

I'm tired of being what you want me to be
Feeling so faithless lost under the surface
Don't know what you're expecting of me
Put under the pressure of walking in your shoes
(Caught in the undertow just caught in the undertow)
Every step that I take is another mistake to you
(Caught in the undertow just caught in the undertow)

[Chorus]
I've become so numb I can't feel you there
I've become so tired so much more aware
I'm becoming this all I want to do
Is be more like me and be less like you

Can't you see that you're smothering me
Holding too tightly afraid to lose control
Cause everything that you thought I would be
Has fallen apart right in front of you
(Caught in the undertow just caught in the undertow)
Every step that I take is another mistake to you
(Caught in the undertow just caught in the undertow)
And every second I waste is more than I can take

become so numb I can't feel you there
I've become so tired so much more aware
I'm becoming this all I want to do
Is be more like me and be less like you

And I know
I may end up failing too
But I know
You were just like me with someone disappointed in you

[Chorus]

No sleep fuels ADD

So I was up until um 5am or so playing Battlefield 2. I couldn't really sleep and was like whatever. At this point.. I'm like.. well, I could sleep for an hour or two before work, but then I'll wake up tired. When this happens, I normally just choose to stay awake and go to work while possibly having a nap when I get home (or during my lunch break if need be).

So moving on to ADD and things I don't want to admit. This morning while sitting on the couch after having not slept I flip through the channels and what's on? Power Rangers. Yes. Power Rangers. The Americanized version of a Japanese show (of course). Now I don't keep up on the franchise at all and whatever channel I was on was showing two different series of Power Rangers. This of course confused me because I'm like.. how many freaking series are there? So I get to work.. tired a bit.. eyes don't work to well and of course.. gotta look up stuff on wikipedia. Wikipedia is so great, I just feel bad that my eyes hurt trying to read all this crap it has on this show.

Do I like the show? Not really but I do have to admit.. laser guns, swords + girls doing martial arts in spandex isn't that bad. I think it's much like most Britney Spear's videos.. it's great, if you have it on mute.

Wow.. I'm gonna try to go wake up and stop looking up things that have absolutely no importance in life whatsoever.

On a sidenote this is an example of a thought that was in my head while I was driving into work today. I feel it's dervied from to many kung-fu flicks growing up.

"An individual's fists are weapons. A weapon can be used more than one way, so do not expect someone to punch in any one way, instead expect the unexpected and be prepared" If I had a gong noise to play after that, I so would.

Right back to work.

- D -

Freaking Nuts

A post about absolutely nothing.

So.. you can learn an important lesson(s) in life from a simple.. pistachio. It can be rather annoying to eat a pistachio as you have to open the shell to get to the inside. Sometimes, the shell is easily opened, sometimes it can take much more force and you may hurt your fingers and scream out FUCKING PISTACHIOS! Sometimes, if you get those red ones, they leave your fingers stained afterwards. The payoff? Yummy.

So. What have we learned from trying to eat a pistachio?

1. It takes effort to get something you want.
2. Sometimes getting what you want can leave you with marks (red pistachios)
3. There are alternatives to get what you want. (Pre "peeled" pistachios)
4. If you're hungry, don't waste time trying to eat a bag of pistachios.

Goals for the New Year?

Goals. Everyone needs them. Specially if you're playing soccer or hockey?

On the reals though.. what are some of the things I want to get done in 2006?

Well.. there's a big list. Sadly much of it depends on having enough financial backing to do so. Let's break it down.

Travel
1. Japan - Domo, Arrigato
2. Thailand - This would be rough as it would involve drama w/my father.
3. England - Dido lives there!

(There's always that getaway planned to Australia but pfft alot has to happen before that does.. G'Day Mate)

Social
1. I need to be better at keeping in touch with people. I've been letting stupid things like work and whatever else keep me from sending emails or picking up the phone. At the same time, some of those people are slackers since THE PHONE RINGS BOTH WAYS.

Work
1. I should try harder. I've been burnt out as of late but still my productivity has definitely slipped. (As is the case with me currently blogging instead of working)

Health
1. Yeah.. I should keep up with personal health. Between doctors and dentists.. I should go go go.
---

Okay, enough of that. Couple of quick notes. Don't go see the movie Bloodrayne. It sucks. It sucks ass. Sure you get to see what's her name from Terminator 3 in a compromising position.. actually it was only one position.. but still, that doesn't save the movie by a long shot.On the flipside haha Godzilla: Final Wars was awesome. It's like the Japanese Matrix, meets Power Rangers, meets Godzilla. If you're a fan of Godzilla its worth it. If you're not.. you'll probably think it sucks ass as well.

So the lyrics I end posts with.. sometimes its just the song that's playing at the time on my laptop, sometimes they have meaning and reasons for being posted. I gotta get back to work. None right now though.. not sure what mood I'm in right now..

Peace

- D -

I see trees of green red roses to

So it's officially the first work day of 2006... fuck that 2006 can keep it! Booo... Needless to say unlike some of the other people here I have not in fact "gotten back into the swing of things." That and I'm off tomorrow so whatever on all that.

I woke up this morning from a really deep sleep with some pretty lucid dreams. I can't recall exactly what they were about but I remember I felt like I was doing something more.. important with my life that actually held meaning. Then I woke up looked at the clock and was like.. ah damn it.

So Xmas and New Years came and went. Sometime this week.. the Hello Kitty meets the rave tree must come down.

Hope everyone had a good holiday.. now back to work bitches! It's funny, sometimes I have to think.. is there anyone that I know that reads this that I feel could get offended by what I write? Then I'm like.. pfft.. if it's anyone that *I* know that reads this they wouldnt be offended if I started making jokes about goats and different ethnic groups so I'm not to worried about it.

Watched a couple of movies over the past several days and standing out in my mind is The Butterfly Effect. Now, I know it stars pfft Ashton Kutcher and I know it has nothing to do with the book of the same title.. but the concept itself wedged itself in my head a little bit. If you haven't read the book or seen the movie.. well that sucks go do that. The basic concept though makes you think a bit. If you could go back in time and make any changes.. what would that effect? Would you be willing to change things which you feel would make other people better off but potentially effect everything else in your life? What if instead I didn't ditch that one event in high school for a girl I'm no longer with? What if I stuck with the whole going to college thing way back? What if's suck ass let me tell you. The problem with all of that is this. If anything were to change, if one thing that happened to me in my lifetime didn't happen.. that would possibly change the person I am today and my identify that I've established at least with my sense of self. So with that in mind, if anything could be changed... would that be good or bad? The thought that I could have been one of those guys that went to college and joined a fraternity..WHAT? pfft.

I think it boils down to me saying Fuck It.

Holla.

- D -

PS. Can you believe I still have some Xmas gifts to give out? Jeebus.

Nina Gordon - Tonight and the Rest of My Life (Partial)

Down to the earth
I fell with dripping wings
Heavy things won’t fly
And the sky might catch on fire
And burn the axis of the world that’s why
I prefer a sunless sky
To the glittering and stinging in my eyes

I feel so light
This is all I wanna feel tonight
I feel so light
Tonight and the rest of my life
Tonight and the rest of my life

Gleaming in the dark sea
I’m as light as air floating there breathlessly
When the dream dissolves
I open up my eyes
I realize that
Everything is shoreless sea
A weightlessness is passing over me

What Kind of Killer Are you?

First off... Happy Christmas.. Happy New Year.. and all that.

Yeah I know.. I've been busy.

I dunno. Taking care of cats and working?

Whatever. I know, I know.

Makes me want to move to the mountains and be a hobbit.

A hobbit? wtf? shhhh it's ok.

Results?

Amusingly on a good day I'm


You are a Samurai.
You are full of honour and value respect. You
are not really the stereotypical hero, but you
do fight for good. Just in your own way. For
you, it is most certainly okay to kill an evil
person, if it is for justice and peace. You
also don't belive in mourning all the time and
think that once you've hit a bad stage in life
you just have to get up again. It's pointless
to concentrate on emotional pain and better to
just get on with everything. You also are a
down to earth type of person and think before
you act. Impulsive people may annoy you
somewhat.

Main weapon: Sword
Quote: "Always do the right thing.
This will gratify some people and astonish the
rest" -Mark Twain
Facial expression: Small smile

But on a bad day...


You are an assassin.
That means you are a proffessional and do your
job without mixing any emotions in it. In your
life you have probably been hurt many times and
have gotten some mental scars. This results in
you being distant from people. Though many
think that you are evil, you are not. What you
really are is a person, trying to forget your
pain and past. You are the person who never
seems to care and that is why being an assassin
fits you good. Atleast, that's what people
think. Even if you don't care that much for
your victims, you still have the ability to
care and to generally feel. It is not lost,
just a little forgotten. In crowds you tend to
not get to noticed, and dress in black or other
discrete colours. You don't being in the
spotlight and wish people would just leave you
alone. But once you do get close to someone you
have a hard time letting go and get real down
if you loose him/her.

Main weapon: Sniper
Quote: "The walls we build around
us to keep out the sadness also keep out the
joy" -Jim Rohn
Facial expression: Narrowed eyes


What Type of Killer Are You? [cool pictures]
brought to you by Quizilla

Ved ikke hvordan

Ah yes.. Monday.. back to work, back to the grind, back to posting on my blog instead of actually doing work. I can't help it though I'm just not motivated to work right now. If people come hit me up on stuff.. sure, I'll respond. But damn that. I want to slack. I want to do nothing. I want to be a hermit, (or a hobbit depending on who you talk to), for a little bit. Meh.

The weekend was pretty good. I amost died.. hrmm and got injured a few times. So nothing new there. Some advice for people who don't know. If operating a jacuzzi and wanting to put 'bubbles' in it, be sure to have the jets on while you're adding the bubbles otherwise it'll be bubbles! bubbles everywhere!!! Awesome.

Gotta finish X-Mas tree stuff this week. This season of depression (Thanksgiving to a week after Valentines Day) hasn't been so bad I guess, but I still have some moments. Most of it being internal or in my head. All the crap you get from growing up in a broken home or a messed up family and all that, it's a lame excuse to use when asked why you don't like the holidays or why the make you sad and such. And it's a hard thing to place blame, but even harder to move on. If you think about it.. if you feel you're a good person or you're happy with the way you are then all the negative things that have happened to you only made you a better person. So what can you do other than accept lessons learned no matter how harsh they may have been and move on?

Aw hell.. they're replacing windows at work. I have a window seat. 18th floor. You'd think the assholes could have done this I dunno.. IN THE SPRING? ... I'm going to go do some work for now. Will post later I spose.

Holla

- D -

Pretty sure I posted these lyrics before.. but whatever it's my song on repeat of the day.

Sash! - Together Again

[Chorus]
I don't know where
I don't know how,
But I only know,
That one day,
We'll be together again

And I don't know where,
I don't know how,
But I only know,
That one day,
We'll be together again

It's been a long long time,
Since I left you all alone,
You need to know I had to go,
Far away from you.

I'll walk in this wasted land,
No one to take my hand,
Tell me why you came that way,
I don't know why.

[Chorus]

[Verse 2 (In Danish)]
Siden jeg gik fra dig,
Foles livet lang og hard,
Men jeg tror jeg kommer mig,
for tidlig jeg sa.

[Verse 2 (English Translation)]
Since I left you,
Life has felt long and hard,
But I think I will get better,
Because I saw early.

Jeg ved ikke hvor,
Ved ikke hvordan,
Men jeg haber kun at du en dag,
Vil v?re hos mig igen.

I don't know where,
Don't know how,
But I only hope that one day,
You will be with me again.
Nej, Jeg ved ikke hvor,
Ved ikke hvordan,
Men jeg haber kun at du en dag,
Vil v?re hos mig igen.

No, I don't know where,
Don't know how,
But I only hope that one day,
You will be with me again.

[Chorus]

Don't know where, don't know how,
But I only know,
That we'll be together again.

And I don't know where, (don't know where)
I don't know how, (don't know how)
But I only know,
We'll be together again.

Frozeded

First let me get something out of the way before the senseless rambling begins.

FUCK YOU WINTER!

Right now that we're clear.

I'm sad to report that Ninja Diva will not be joining us for Tallulah's show tonight. She will be with us in spirit though, and years from now when she's President or something, we will know that it was well worth it.

Hopefully this weekend will be good. Some R&R planned.

So last night driving home, people were lucky I didn't have a 10-pack of 'D' batteries. Windshields would have been broken. Now.. if someone is driving down the street and its snowing heavily..and you see obviously they are having trouble getting traction do you

A) Follow behind patiently
b) Turn onto another street
c) Feel bad and bake them a pie when you get home
d) Be a total jackass and honk your horn at them

If you picked d , email me your address so I can mail you a flaming pile of crap. Ok? Thanks. If however you picked c, I'll send you my address instead.

Meh. I'm tired not even going to get into everything else that's going on right now.

- D -

365 days later

"Zwan - Honestly"

I believe
I believe
I believe
I believe the love you talk about with me
is it true, do I care
honestly, you can try to wipe the memories aside
but it's you that you erase

'cause there's no place that I could be without you
it's too far to discard the life I once knew
honestly, all the weather storms are bringing
are just a picture of my dreams
'cause when I think of you as mine
and allow myself with time
to lead into the life we want
I feel loved, honestly
I feel loved, this honestly

I believe you mean the best that life can bring
I believe in it all
honestly, you can try
your heart is just as long as mine
is it ours to let go

'cause there's no place that I could be without you
it's too dark to discard the life I once knew
honestly, a single wrong is not enough
to cover up the pain in us
'cause when I think of you as mine
and allow myself with time
to lead into the life we want
I feel loved, honestly
I'll make a joke so you must laugh
I'll break your heart so you must ask
is this the way to get us back
I don't know, honestly
I don't know, this honestly

there's no place that I could be without you
honestly

there's no place that I could be without you
there's no place that I could gleam without you
there's no place that I could dream without you
there's no place that I could be without you
honestly

shin-shoryuken

Not much to say. Hooked up my Xbox to Xbox Live again over the weekend. Panda Thug and I then proceeded to own / get owned in some Street Fighter. It was much fun. Yes. Also bought Mortal Kombat Shaolin Monks which has an unlockable Mortal Kombat II on the same disc. Its odd playing some of these games that were a huge part of my teenage years. Crap. You know you're getting old when you say something like.. back in my teenage years. I'm going to go smack my head against the wall a bit now.

Almost 28 and still haven't saved the world. I'm such a fucking slacker. Who am I kidding though.. I can't even pay off my damn credit card debt right now. DOH.....

I understand why some people get addicted to playing online games. I probably was moreso than I am now "back in my teenage years". But it's healthy to be able to self analyze and check yourself when it gets out of control.

The guest cats staying at my place will be going back to Haruka's friend Digiblonde, and they made me miss my cats more. Pets are important if you don't have kids because it's a nice feeling to know that someone is depending on you to feed them and give them attention... oh wait.. i have friends like that to. Ok nevermind all that.

4..3..2..1... earth beloow us.. drifting falling floating weightless calling calling... sorry that was playing on winamp.

Oh I just remembered I never reported on how Cali went. My boys Koopa Troopa and Yoga Fire took me out to play some Street Fighter hehe. Koopa also took me to this industrial club.. goth chicks everywhere. It was.. interesting. It reminded me of the tidbit Tallulah once said about Goth people "I'm so Goth I'm DEAD!". Amusing.

Lame. I should get back to work.

Holla.

- D -


Gwen Stefani - Cool

It's hard to remember how it felt before
Now I found the love of my life
Passes things, get more comfortable
Everything is going right

And after all the obstacles
It's good to see you now with someone else
And it's such a miracle that you and me are still good friends
After all that we've been through
I know we're cool
I know we're cool

We used to think it was impossible
Now you call me by my new last name
Memories seem like so long ago
Time always kills the pain

Remember Harbor Boulevard
The dreaming days where the mess was made
Look how all the kids have grown, oh
We have changed but we're still the same
After all that we've been through
I know we're cool
I know we're cool

Yeah, I know we're cool

And I'll be happy for you
If you can be happy for me
Circles and triangles
And now we're hanging out with your new girlfriend
So far from where we've been
I know we're cool
I know we're cool

C-cool, I know we're cool
I know we're cool

When November Ends...

Busy. Nothing clever or witty to write at the moment. I'm still here. If you need to get in touch with me I'm sure you'll be able to if you make the effort to do so. I got a computer up and running but need to get a new video card for it this weekend because as a gamer.. it's not up to par.

Though September has passed already, this song is fitting when dealing with the loss of a loved one. Give someone a hug. Awesome.

Green Day - Wake Me Up When September Ends

Summer has come and passed
The innocent can never last
Wake me up when september ends

Like my fathers come to pass
Seven years has gone so fast
Wake me up when september ends

Here comes the rain again
Falling from the stars
Drenched in my pain again
Becoming who we are

As my memory rests
But never forgets what I lost
Wake me up when september ends

Summer has come and passed
The innocent can never last
Wake me up when september ends

Ring out the bells again
Like we did when spring began
Wake me up when september ends

Here comes the rain again
Falling from the stars
Drenched in my pain again
Becoming who we are

As my memory rests
But never forgets what I lost
Wake me up when september ends
Summer has come and passed
The innocent can never last
Wake me up when september ends

Like my fathers come to pass
Twenty years has gone so fast
Wake me up when september ends

Right back where we started from...

So today I'm flying out to Cali to be exact I'll be going to Orange County and Santa Monica for work and will not be back until Sunday. The fact that the opening piano chords are in my head from THE OC are slowly driving me insane.

Not much to write about hmm.. got a raise, that's dope considering how much I've been working and the fact that they never adjusted my salary after I took my current position. Should also get a raise in March to. WOOT! Wanna be baller in the house!

How are all of you? I haven't heard from many people as of late.

My compy at home died... sigh. Something sad about being in IT and not being able to fix your main computer. Hell, I even have cuts on my hand from replacing every piece of hardware in the damn thing still nothing... it just lost the will to live :(

Anyway.. hope everyone is well. I'll give a holla when I can.

- D -

Holy shit, this song really does have lyrics

California - Phantom Planet

We've been on the run
Driving in the sun
Looking out for Number 1
California here we come
Right back where we started from
Hustlers grab your guns
Your shadow weighs a ton
Driving down the 101
California here we come
Right back where we started from
California!
Here we come!
On the stereo
Listen as we go
Nothing's gonna stop me now
California here we come
Right back where we started from
Pedal to the floor
Thinkin' of the roar
Gotta get us to the show
California here we come
Right back where we started from
California!
Here we come!

Guacamole

Ok so this is kind of gross at the same time semi-amusing. I'll apologize in advance.
The following is an Email I sent to Haruka today while I was sitting here at work hehe.
--

Ohmigod.. did you ever blow your nose so hard that so much or such a huge.. chunk come out that you were almost proud like giving birth?

I was so shocked and surprised I almost cried...

But.. now I can breathe through the left side of my nose I just need to have twins so I can breathe out the right side.

Ok.. just thought I'd share. Wow.

--

My nose kinda hurts now.. awesome but hey I can breathe wheeeeeee... only 2 hours left.. I need to invent some sort of illegal designer narcotic just so I can call it something clever like how the movie Minority Report had the drug 'Clarity'. Current modern day drugs are all like.. I need some rock.. some weed,, some heroin. Not very smart on the people who created or thought of thoe names because it's not like you can use that in everyday sentences unlike.. damn I could sure use some clarity right now. Ok this post is going downhill. Good job.

- D -

I Guess I'll Die Another Day

So... I'm not dead still a bit sick though. Lame. Someone told me the other day I work to much / to hard which is why I'm sick. I kind of laughed and nearly cried at the thought of that because what it boils down to is.. the days of not having to be responsible are so long gone, I can't even remember them. Lame.

So Javi's wedding reception was pretty good. Got there late cuz I had to work till 5 this and that but whatever. Sat down at the table they were like.. here's your dinner. After having driven over an hour to get there I was like... SWEET!. Poor Donovan.. soon as I get there and talk to everyone and the table, we look up at him sitting at the head table and all start laughing which of course causes him to be like.. wtf? I was half expecting him to stand up in his tux and full out yell "Goddamit I hear you talking about me"... ah good times. Haruka and I didn't stay to long though. We ate, we danced, we speed back to the city. Sickness was still burning pretty hot that night.

The next night we had dinner with Dono again out in the burbs.. boo. But sall good, not like we get to see Dono everday anymore.

Haruka got me some stuff for Sweetest Day aka The Hallmark Valentine's Day for men. I got a ring that she put alot of thought into, most impressive, and a bracelet that's heavy and shiney.. kinda makes me wrap it around my knuckles and hit people with it. I'm sure however that is not her original idea when she got it for me. She's getting earrings I feel but I still have to go find some that are nice. Yes.

I need to get over being sick because there's an issue I have to deal with where someone needs to stop slacking and needs a kick in the ass or a smack to the head. Awesome.

I'll write more eventually when the sickness and or work get up off me.

Oh also had a quick check-in with Tallula and Ninja Diva today. I'm glad they're both doing well. Gotta check in with people now and then just to know they're okay, ya know?

- D -

The Things We Do In Person

So I'm slowly returning to the land of the living. I've been sick as hell for the past week now. Missed three or so days of work even. Yeah.. boss wasn't to pleased about that but ya know what.. I came in and everyone saw how sick I was and he told me to go home soooo whatever.

Haven't posted for awhile so not sure where to start. The Nine Inch Nails concert last week was pretty good. It did make me feel a bit out of place though. Almost like.. did I outgrow all of this? The people walking around with their face painted, or all punked / gothed out. I was much angrier when I was younger and I accept that. But I think the older I get.. the more I just don't let things phase me and the more nonchalant I become about everything. There were definitely a couple of things that amused me;

The lone white guy dancing.. wildy.. looking like a fool. (A couple of other people and I were just looking at him like.. wtf?)

The older larger black lady that was jamming out to NIN. (I have no response to that other than.. whoa)

The couple who though they were at an Anime convention. (If only I could speak fluent japanese I would have so fucked with them)

All the 'Crow' wannabes. (Dude.. do you know what year it is?)

The guy who thinks because he's in a mosh pit he has to take off his shirt and subject everyone else around him to his sweat. (Fucking ew)

There was however this little ass girl in the front of the pit who was holding her own let alone pushing other people around. (Impressive)

Uhh that's probably not all of it, but its all that I can remember. One other comment about the concert.. when the fuck did concert shirts becom $40 to $50??? F that.. you know what I could do with $50? Hell.. I could use it for credit card payments.. or for things like.. gas.. and food. Maybe I really am getting old.. sigh.

Aside from the concert this and that has been going on. Friend of mine moved in with Haruka and I. He needed a place to crash for a bit so why not I'm not going to leave a bro out on the street. I'm not sure what to call him on here.. hmm.

Ah crap.. I'll expand on all this later I started this 3 hours ago and I need to leave so I can make it time to go home.. change into a suit... then drive out to the burbs for Javi's wedding reception. Just damn.

- D -

Oohhh I'm gonna see Donovan tonight.. ahahah he'll prolly get drunkass to.. good times haha.

Pretty Hate Machine in a Downward Spiral

I feel like I'm getting a bit to old to go to these but..

NIN Concert tonight.. bitches!

----

Nine Inch Nails - We're In This Together Now

(Partial)

the farther I fall I'm beside you
as lost as I get I will find you
the deeper the wound I'm inside you
forever and ever I am a part of

you and me
we're in this together now
none of them can stop us now
we will make it through somehow

you and me
if the world should break in two
until the very end of me
until the very end of you

And mannnny moooore

Yesterday was Haruka's birthday so I was a bit busy running around and "plotting" and all that. So I didn't have a chance to post

Tanjoubi omedetou !

Until now.

Amusing story from last night... I burned the CRAP outta my finger lighting the candles on Haruka's birthday cake. She says afterwards.. why didn't you just get me the numbers that are candles instead? My response? Because these were pink and that's your favorite color. Pfft. I win =)
---
Also today is Donovan's Birthday.

Slacker isn't on any of the chat programs. He's probably busy studying... studying women's asses in a bar that is. Good Job.

He's in AX so he can get his gift when he comes back to visit in a couple of weeks IF he brings my sunglasses.. get that Dono.. Sunglasses for the win. Awesome.

No lyrics or anything else big today no time cuz work still sucks. Yes. Still.

- D -

Women of ASU

So Donovan has this posted on his blog.

www.palmwalk.com

It's apparently the ASU version of the 'Hot or Not' website.
Looking through it, it's a scale of 1 to 10 on if you think
a girl is hot. Apparenly over 700 people have voted on some
of these pics and sadly the top score is only 6. something.

What the hell kind of standards do these 700+ people have
in deciding if they think a girl is hot or not? Jeebus.

- D -

Exploding Butter !

Just a friendly word of caution: Those little plastic things of butter they give you at restaurants for your bread.. the ones that look like coffee creamers but actually have butter in them? Yeah... contents may explode under pressure.

Example.

Dhavid and Haruka at lunch. Dhavid picking one up and squeezing.. all the sudden.. PLLOOPP.. oh.. look I have butter on my hands now and it shot across the table.

Awesome.

- D -

I've decided

That I'm going to start working out and training upstairs at work again. I feel this is mainly because they have a punching bag and I need to get some aggression and anger out.

Anger is an interesting thing I feel. It takes alot of energy to maintain a certain level of Anger / Angst and afterwards depending how angry you were, it can leave you drained mentally and physically. However, at the same time it can be what drives you and you can draw strength from it when you feel you need a little extra push.

Grr. Grr I say.

I'm trying to help one of the 'bros' and he'll be staying at my place for a bit till he and Panda Thug get a place of their own. What can we do in life besides try right?

When you stop trying, that's when you may as well lay down and die or get back up and try a different plan of attack. Otherwise. Good job, game over.

I'm annoyed that none of my local friends like Depeche Mode enough to go to a concert.. hmm.. crap come to think of it there might have been one or two people I could have hit up to go.. now I need to get tickets and they're sold out... GRR
----

Depeche Mode - Precious

Precious and fragile things
Need special handling
My God what have we done to you
We always tried to share
The tenderest of care
Now look what we have put you through

Things get damaged
Things get broken
I thought we'd manage
But words left unspoken
Left us so brittle
There was so little left to give

Angels with silver wings
Shouldn't know suffering
I wish I could take the pain for you
If God has a master plan
That only He understands
I hope it's your eyes He's seeing through

Things get damaged
Things get broken
I thought we'd manage
But words left unspoken
Left us so brittle
There was so little left to give

I pray you learn to trust
Have faith in both of us
And keep room in your hearts for two

Things get damaged
Things get broken
I thought we'd manage
But words left unspoken
Left us so brittle
There was so little left to give

---

- D -

Seriously. Just Damn.

7:41am.. Email to the blackberry from my manager. Message reads. Anyone awake yet? 8:01am , call to my personal cell from manager.. blah blah blah do this do that.. my reply.. ok I'll handle it first thing when I get in.. I'm on the road right now and on my way.

Normal start time 8:30am.

I am clearly stating for the record that I hate working on projects that deal with people who are lazy or don't do their job correctly causing everyone else involved with the project to have to put in even more time and effort thereby raising their stress levels even higher... I feel like a cross between Tweak and the goth kid from South Park right now.
---
Plumb- Damaged

Dreaming comes so easily
'Cause it's all that
I've ever know
True love is a fairy tale
I'm damaged, so
How would I know
I'm scared and I'm alone
I'm ashamed
And I need for you to know

I didn't say all the things
That I wanted to say
And you can't take back
What you've taken away
'Cause I feel you,
I feel you near me

Healing comes so painfully
And it chills to the bone
Will anyone get close to me?
I'm damaged, as
I'm sure you know

There's mending for my soul
An ending to this fear
Forgiveness for a man
Who was stronger
I was just a little girl, but
I can't go back
----

I like that song at the same time.. it kind of makes me think of other bad things.. hrm.. damn good job playlist on random. GAH.

Life Work Balance.. ha!

Work's been busy and I've had to hit the ground running after getting back from San Francisco last week. Don't want to go to much into detail about the trip. It had it's moments that's about all I'm going to say there.

Anyway. I'll update when I get a chance. I can say I've been borderline angry / depressed these past couple of days and I'm still trying to figure out the cause... probably work. I dunno.

Peace.

----

New Order - Subculture

I like walking in the park
When it gets late at night
I move `round in the dark
And leave when it gets light
I sit around by day
Tied up in chains so tight
These crazy words of mine
So wrong they could be
What do I get out of this?
I always try, I always miss
One of these days you'll go back to your home
You won't even notice that you are alone
One of these days when you sit by yourself
You'll realise you can't shaft without someone else
In the end you will submit
It's got to hurt a little bit

I like talking in my sleep
When people work so hard
They need what they can't keep
A choice that leaves them scarred
A room without a view
Unveils the truth so soon
And when the sun goes down
You've lost what you had
What do I get out of this?
I always try, I always miss
One of these days you'll go back to your home
You won't even notice that you are alone
One of these days when you sit by yourself
You'll realise you can't shaft without someone else
In the end you will submit
It's got to hurt a little bit


PS. I miss R & T *sigh*

I Will Always

Man.. this has got to be one of the coolest covers I've ever heard. This group Snake River Conspiracy does a version of The Cure song, Lovesong. It's really good if you like SRC's style of music. The lead singer sounds like an older cooler version of Stella Soleil formerly of the band Sister Soleil (which was soooooo much better than her solo career in my opinion).

Anyway, check out SRC if you like industrial/hard like music with a chick singing because they rock.

- D -
---

Lovesong - Snake River Conspiracy version

Whenever I'm alone with you
You make me feel like I am whole again
Whenever I'm alone with you
You make me feel like I am whole again
Aah aah aah aah
aah aah aah
aah aah aah aah
aah aah aah
Whenever I'm alone with you
You make me feel like I am young again
Whenever I'm alone with you
You make me feel like I am fun again
However far away, I will always love you
However long I stay, I will always love you
Whatever words I say, I will always love you
I will always love you
Whenever I'm alone with you
You make me feel like I am free again
Whenever I'm alone with you
You make me feel like I am clean again
However far away, I will always love you
However long I stay, I will always love you
Whatever words I say, I will always love you
I will always love you
I will always love you
I will always love you
I will love you
I will make you
I will take you
I will fuck you
Aah aah aah aah
aah aah aah
aah aah aah aah
aah aah aah
Always love you, always you
Always love you, always you

Somewhere over...

To quote Ferris Bueler's Day Off,
"What are we going to do today?"
"The question you should be asking is, what AREN'T we going to do today?"
That about sums up the blur of the weekend hehe.

I was talking to ALG, and she told be the background story of the Hawaiian singer Israel Kamakawiwo'ole
Check out this mp3 here. It's an 8MB file so it's a bit large. I first heard this song watching an episode of ER. It was the episode where Dr. Green dies so whenever I hear it, I associate it with a really sad event. Reading Israel's background to it's even more sad, at the same time there can be some happiness found there. It's a bit complicated to explain I guess. Either way, I dig it, and it's sad that he died but his ashes were spread into the ocean of his homeland which sounds like a good way to finally be at peace.

A special mention to a friend of mine who is currently going through cancer treatments starting today. There's respect and admiration for anyone that has to go through and endure the things you have to and remember if you need someone to talk to, that's why the phone was invented. Sorry I can't do much else right now, but all we can do in life is try our best and do what we can right? Keep your chin up, you're stubborn enough to make it through and your palm reading sounded much better than mine afterall.

I'm going to go home after work.. maybe take a nap.. or just play more World of Warcraft hehehe... awesome.

This Wed I'm going to join Haruka in SF. I'll have to promise that I'll keep the hitting on of her younger sister and her friends to a minimum hehe.

There's probably more I have on my mind right now.. but lack of sleep and the impending workload being forced on me beckons.

Lates,

- D -

----
Israel K - Somewhere Over The Rainbow

Somewhere over the rainbow
Way up high
And the dreams that you dreamed of
Once in a lullaby ii ii iii
Somewhere over the rainbow
Blue birds fly
And the dreams that you dreamed of
Dreams really do come true ooh ooooh
Someday I'll wish upon a star
Wake up where the clouds are far behind me ee ee eeh
Where trouble melts like lemon drops
High above the chimney tops thats where you'll find me oh
Somewhere over the rainbow bluebirds fly
And the dream that you dare to,why, oh why can't I? i iiii

Well I see trees of green and
Red roses too,
I'll watch them bloom for me and you
And I think to myself
What a wonderful world

Well I see skies of blue and I see clouds of white
And the brightness of day
I like the dark and I think to myself
What a wonderful world

The colors of the rainbow so pretty in the sky
Are also on the faces of people passing by
I see friends shaking hands
Saying, "How do you do?"
They're really saying, I...I love you
I hear babies cry and I watch them grow,
They'll learn much more
Than we'll know
And I think to myself
What a wonderful world (w)oohoorld

Someday I'll wish upon a star,
Wake up where the clouds are far behind me
Where trouble melts like lemon drops
High above the chimney top that's where you'll find me
Oh, Somewhere over the rainbow way up high
And the dream that you dare to, why, oh why can't I? I hiii ?

Ms. Cleo could be right...

This amuses me to no end this morning...

Aquarius

Daily extended (by Astrology.com)
You've got an intensely devoted, loyal heart -- and a questing, independent spirit that just won't be tied down. This is a tough combo for some people to get, but rest assured, there are those out there who cherish this quixotic and delightful mixture. Someone who wants to blend their life with yours will understand why it is you who possess both these qualities in abundance -- and won't ask you to get rid of one or the other to satisfy them. Hang in there.

-----

My co-workers no longer think it weird or odd to see me give my laptop the finger at random times during the day.

Track on repeat - Eyes on Me.

Damn it. I should do some work. Tired of this crap though. Freaking being on call with people calling me at 2am for stupid computer issues. You swear I'm a freaking doctor.. sigh.

I need to win the lotto. Oh please oh please let me win the lotto and damn would people get hooked up.. cuz it's no fun to be rich by yourself.

meh.

- d -