Happy Holidays

Yeah..

Fort Minor - Believe Me (Gundam Wing amv)

Don't Hate Just Because it's to Late

One Republic - Apologize

I'm holding on your rope,
Got me ten feet off the ground
I'm hearin what you say but I just can't make a sound
You tell me that you need me
Then you go and cut me down, but wait
You tell me that you're sorry
Didn't think I'd turn around, and say that...

It's too late to apologize, it's too late
I said it's too late to apologize, it's too late

I'd take another chance, take a fall
Take a shot for you
And I need you like a heart needs a beat
But it's nothing new
I loved you with a fire red-
Now it's turning blue, and you say...
"Sorry" like the angel heaven let me think was you
But I'm afraid...

It's too late to apologize, it's too late
I said it's too late to apologize, it's too late

It's too late to apologize, it's too late
I said it's too late to apologize, it's too late
It's too late to apologize, yeah
I said it's too late to apologize, yeah-
I'm holdin on your rope, got me ten feet off the ground...

-----

On a lighter note the hotness.. Don't Hate the French Fries (hahahaha)

Oh and

Also I went to see Hitman the other night.. entertaining flick if you like that kind of movie, could have used a little more backstory though.

But anyway.. there was a preview for.. get this.. a new Rambo movie. Wow. Sylvester freakin Stallone is gonna be making Rambo 3000 one day after he's done with Rocky 2022. But in the preview there was this cheese ass line that he says that I don't want to admit liking but he says, "Live for nothing or die for something, it's your choice." Ya know.. that's probably the one line of dialogue that the writers of that movie were like.. thats gold baby that's gold!

- D -

Of course it probably doesn't live up to Live Free or Die Hard's "You just killed a helicopter with a car."

The story so far

I watched Cruel Intentions the other night because I couldn't sleep. Haven't watched it in awhile and I have to say it was done pretty well, the remake I mean.

So I'm still waiting for the state to send me back my certs so I can get to this whole working thing.

The general plan is this.

I've collected my various transcripts from the colleges I've been to and setup an appointment with a counselor type at a college close to me here.

When I get my stuff back from the state and get my PERC card I can hook up with a security company who'll give me an FAC card as well. All these damn cards.. seriously.

Anyway.. I do that for a little bit while I go back to this whole college thing at the same time. After doing armed security for a bit and getting some experience, try to get into a part time police type thing. (There's an academy and everything).

So do the police thing for a bit. Hopefully finish school at some point. At then my experience and stuff on paper = Over ten years in computers.. experience in armed security.. experience in law enforcemnet which hopefully leads to a cyber-crimes type of job.. Neat.

So... the plan is there now it's just going to take time and effort and well. more time. Hopefully I don't go insane or get shot before all that works itself out.

But yeah... that's that.

---

Counting Crows - Colorblind

I am colorblind,
Coffee black and egg white.
Pull me out from inside.
I am ready.
I am ready.
I am ready.
I am
Taffy stuck, tongue tied,
Stuttered shook and uptight.
Pull me out from inside.
I am ready.
I am ready.
I am ready.
I am...fine.
I am covered in skin.
No one gets to come in.
Pull me out from inside.
I am folded, and unfolded, and unfolding.
I am,
colorblind,
Coffee black and egg white.
Pull me out from inside.
I am ready.
I am ready.
I am ready.
I am...fine.
I am.... fine.
I am fine

Feel the drum beating...

Hotness

If you have the chance to go see TAO. They freaking rock... think blue man group.. now make them Japanese.. and then.. not blue.. Not as.. hrm.. artsy as blue man group but still the show itself rocks much.

That's pretty much all I have to say about anything right now.

- D -

Tur what?

Turducken...

What the hell is Turducken?

Yeah.. f that.. pass the




Happy Thanksgiving or whatever.

- D -

Gray

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"The good thing about when you feel like you have nothing, it just means that there's only everything to gain."

"Where'd you get that from a fortune cookie?"

"No from some optimistic emo kid."

Well that's kind of an oxymoron isn't it?"

"Sure but who knows where you'll pick up little bits of knowledge from."

"So you're learning stuff from emo kids nowadays? And who says a college degree is needed get a job nowadays?"

"I hate you.."

"See now THAT sounds like something you'd hear from an emo kid."

"You want to hear something emo like? First off.. what the hell is this emo crap anyway.. emo is like the diet coke of goth."

"Just one calorie? Not even enough?"

"Damn straight. Seriously though... I hate the holiday season it's all marketing bullshit."

"So you don't want this Playstation 3 package with blue ray dvds from Best Buy?"

"Well.. I didn't say that but come on. Thanksgiving? So we're celebrating the murder of Native Americans pretty much?"

"Naw man you're thinking to deep into it. It's not so much about celebrating that it's more about just getting together with family and friends and having a nice dinner."

"You know.. you can do that anytime of the year and it doesn't have to be a holiday."

"Ok.. fair enough but still I don't mind the big ol turkey dinner with stuffing and all the trimmings especially cranberry from a can mmm that's good stuff."

"Dim sum."

"Sorry, what?"

"Dum sum.. that's what I'll get for Thanksgiving... or maybe pizza."

"Not so much for tradition are you?"

"Just because other people have been force fed the idea of what Thanksgiving dinner is supposed to be doesn't mean I have to follow it, sides if I want craberry in a can I'll run out to the store and buy a can or three."

"You're so jaded."

"Perhaps.. but at least I won't be hungry."

"What about Christmas? Don't like that either? Valentine's Day? Shit, Martin Luther King Jr. Day?"

"I think the only holiday I like is Memorial day or Labor day actually and even that's stretching it. Hell, over half the people that celebrate Christmas don't go to church or even care about the reasonings behind it. I once heard someone ask why all the Christmas carols sounded so religous."

"Hahaha ok.. that's kind of amusing. So are you saying that people who celebrate any holiday should only do so if they know the meaning of it?"

"No not really. I think it's more I'd prefer if people were sincere about it and be honest about why they're getting together or giving presents and being nice, and again that whole not having to just be one day out of the year because it's a so called holiday."

"Next thing you'll tell me is that you'll believe that you think all people are inherently good."

"As much as I'd like that to be true, not really there's alot of assholes out there."

"You know.. talking to you gives me a headache sometimes."

"If it makes you feel any better, it's a pain trying to explain myself to you."

"It is, it means I dont have to suffer alone."

"Well.. it's been a nice chat but I have to be going."

"That's cool, when you leave can you be sure to turn off the light?"

"See.. that's why you're the black one always staying in the dark."

"Uh huh, sometimes I think that the black spot on you is bigger than you make it appear to be."

"That's just the way it goes."

"Again with the fortune cookies!."

"Later."

"Or sooner than you think."

"Touche."

Reflex weaponry?!

http://news.yahoo.com/s/nm/20070908/film_nm/maguire_dc

Omg omg omg... and after that.. we'll get Voltron or Thundercats haha!

- D -

Oh brother I can't get through

Coldplay - Talk is still on repeat hours later and I still haven't gone to sleep.. so I had to look for a fitting video..



Coldplay - Talk (Lyrics)

Oh brother I can't, I can't get through
I've been trying hard to reach you, cause I don't know what to do
Oh brother I can't believe it's true
I'm so scared about the future and I wanna talk to you
Oh I wanna talk to you
You can take a picture of something you see
In the future where will I be?
You can climb a ladder up to the sun
Or write a song nobody has sung
Or do something that's never been done

Are you lost or incomplete?
Do you feel like a puzzle, you can't find your missing piece?
Tell me how do you feel?
Well I feel like they're talking in a language I don't speak
And they're talking it to me

So you take a picture of something you see
In the future where will I be?
You can climb a ladder up to the sun
Or a write a song nobody has sung
Or do something that's never been done
Do something that's never been done

So you don't know were you're going, and you wanna talk
And you feel like you're going where you've been before
You tell anyone who'll listen but you feel ignored
Nothing's really making any sense at all
Let's talk, let's ta-a-alk
Let's talk, let's ta-a-alk

Watch me jump like a candle

Song currently on repeat: Coldplay - Talk

It's 8am and I think I'm going to go to sleep soon.. then I'll wake up and go work out since I'm not all that sore anymore so it means I'm not pushing hard enough...

Yesterday while I was sleeping the day away I dreamt of someone I used to know and always felt that I 'failed to save'. Sure it's not my job to save people but I always felt like I could have done more so they could have had a better life. I talked with my sister about my whole wanting to become a cop thing and she had made a comment to the effect of.. 'well with the way our family is it's not suprising that you and I have that whole wanting to protect people thing'. I thought about it, and it makes alot of sense. Also after speaking to Joan's parents it makes me want to pursue this law enforcement thing even more if anything so I could be a positive influence on someone's life someday.

Took Vanilla Pressley to the casino last night hehe.. we failed to win but hey what can you do. He lives way out there from where I'm at right now and on the way home I took the extended remix route and ended up driving for a couple of extra.. hours.. good thing I found a gas station. Gave me some time to think about things though so thanks for that.

Going to get some sleep.. then must go work out hard enough to be more sore.. yes.

It's interesting how some dreams you have you remember as vivid as your most detailed memory. There was that one I had where I was dying and Sakura was there telling me that I'd done enough. Yeah.. I should write out that scene some day. I've been slacking on writing and putting the ideas in my head down on paper. I still have to meet with that screenwriter friend to.. damn. For someone that has nothing to do right now, I feel like there's not enough time to get stuff done.. silly isn't it?

And where the hell is my foid card?! Stupid Illinois government offices taking so long to get stuff done.. bastards!

Another youtube vlogger I've been following hehe Happy Slip. She looks like a younger Lexa Doig who isn't that old herself I guess either. Via Happy Slip though I found this artist who sounds alot like an Asian Jack Johnson. Check out Josh Verdes he's pretty good very chill.. yes.

G'night.

- D -

No need for a title

Song currently on repeat - Kanye West - Stronger

Right, I know i haven't posted in awhile but well ya know haven't been inspired or any of that. Read a couple of books lately uhh and have been boring in general. This week was the first week back at the gym and oh my guh.. the soreness! But whatever.. how does it go? "Pain is weakness leaving the body" .. I'm not sure what that means if I admit to being in hella pain earlier this week. Whatever though it's temporary and it just means I'm doing something right.

Still sticking to this desire to do the law enforcement thing hence the waking up and ass oclock in the morning (to me that's anytime during the day the sun's up) to go to the gym.

Had dinner with Joan's parents yesterday (technically today since I haven't slept) so that was great, haven't seen them in a long time actually.

I'm supposed to wake up in about 2 hours or so to be 'Beetle Bailey' at the gym. I randomly work out with him and he likes to go early.. just damn.

Tomorrow is Vanilla Pressley's 30th birthday so I'm gonna head out to wtfPlainfield IL to hang.. maybe I should bring Sharon with me.. never know.

Recently got hooked on watching this Aussie's video blog and find it brilliant and amusing. I've never been much into vblogs etc and my only thought if I ever did anything like that would be like.. Hi... and then the video would end.. not very interesting at all. It's kind of annoying there's not really anyone to hang out with while living in exile. There's one guy I hang with usually but other than that not really. I find I'm generally bored or tired.. or bored and tired.. I need something in life to come smack me upside the head and amuse me.

Oh right.. the vblog check it out if you're bored it's pretty amusing Community Channel on youtube.

- D -

In the country

Current Song on Repeat - Stevie B - When I Dream About You (dunno dont ask)

Contrary to what my sister tells me, I feel that I'm currently living IN THE COUNTRY.. why do I say that?

Let's see;

1. I have been mosquito fodder. Apparently when I got here one mosquito called all of his friends and said HEY! The Thai Buffet is open!.. bastard I will kill them all.

2. Look around.. you see any skyscrapers? Yeah that's what I thought.

3. Wasps. Ohmigod. I'm about to get ninja on these big ass wasps out here and whip out a sword cuz damn they look like they could fight back even if I had one. 'I need more bullets'.

4. Praying Mantis. No really. I was parked at the Starbucks down the street (amazing there is one) and.. there was not one but TWO on my car. Omen? Sure. It means. MOVE THE F--- back towards the city.

So the job hunt continues. One of my former coworkers actually hit me up a couple of minutes ago as I was hitting apply for another job and he's like.. hey you looking for a job still? Yeah.. I don't think I've hit reply on an email that fast in a long time. So we'll see how that goes.

I guess the new / current plan is.. find an IT job. Do it. Get in shape (really good shape) and look for / apply for a law enforcement job that I'd want to do. Ideally it would be pretty hot to work on computers and carry a gun and kick people in the face... yeah that sounds like a good day.

There's been rediculous storms out here as of late to. I'll laugh if I go to sleep (it happens sometimes) and wake up in Oz.

This blows.. I haven't been out of the house in days. Sure I guess that's on me but I just haven't really had the will to actually get out of bed or leave my room or do anything. It's not about the money though money is nice.. it's about being useful and doing something. I think that's why eventhough my last job before the whole corporate buyout thing, eventhough I worked mad hours, I liked it because it was like.. hey look at me doing something useful and getting paid for it. Sure it wasn't world changing or epic, but it was still like.. this is my ground, and I'm going to hold it, ya know?

More later must get back to applying for jobs people don't want to give me yet.

- D -

Serenity

(Ever notice how peacful, furry and warm cats look when they're sleeping? Damn.. I want to be a freakin cat.. an indoor cat that has nice owners that give me treats, catnip and random toys.. that would be great..and I could sleep all the time unlike right now.)

Moving on then..

We all have slumps and funks and bad things happen to us no matter how hard we try or how much we want things to be alright. In the end it just isn't always up to us no matter how hard you fight. It doesn't mean you should just lie down and accept it. I'll never accept things are predestined or fated to happen. And even after my last breath, I will always want to fight and to change the things that I refuse to agree with.

I've been digging Ayumi Hamsaki alot lately. Here and there I dip into J-Pop mode. Recently a friend of mine listened to some and she didn't dig it which is understandable. My reply was.. well usually most J-Pop I'll listen to it's hard to be upset or in a bad mood when you're listening to it. Not knowing how to speak or understand fluent Japanese (yet!) then you're forced to rely on the emotions and overall tones of a song. It's an interesting thing that I recommend to anyone. Listen to a song in a language you don't understand, really LISTEN to it. If you can connect to a song on an emotional level it just makes it even better than being able to understand the words themselves because you just *know* how it should make you feel.

There's many YouTube like sites out there. The latest I've delved into is http://www.crunchyroll.com. It's pretty great and I'm thinking about donating to watch stuff fullscreen/HiRes. Stage6.com is also pretty great. Between those three sites I almost don't watch TV aside from the Sci Fi Channel for series like Battlestar Galactica / Dr.Who / and Flash Gordon (which is actually pretty good).

My latest pursuit in this whole job thing has made me figure out that though the money is ridiculous in IT.. it's not something I want to do at all anymore. The mere thought of having to support people in that capacity or to deal with the day to day corporate life just makes me cringe. When I was younger I had tried to join the military.. Air Force cuz I always liked jets and such. Sadly.. being Type 2 Diabetic they gave me the verbal finger and said no. I bet had the 'war' been on when I had tried to get in, it would have been a different story. Anyway.. I've always had a sense that I should be doing something... 'more'. Not being able to do the volunteer trip in Thailand like I wanted to also bummed me out. So to cut a long story short.. I've decided I want to look into becoming a cop.. yeah I know right? Oddly.. many people that 'really' know me have said they could see me doing that and being good at it. Huh.. how bout that.. as generic as it sounds maybe I should be a police officer when I grow up eh? There has to be alot of physical training before I apply since there's this thing called the P.O.W.E.R. test you have to pass and all that. Damned if I want to be one of those cops who don't look like they could chase a one legged crook limping downhill.. you know what I mean... the hey pass me another deep fried twinkie types.

Again.. the whole not sleeping thing yet.. really opens your eyes and your mind to things. I lost my patience when speaking to Haruka earlier who's going through alot right now and I have to apologize to her for that. She's going through some tough times and her father is having some medical issues so please keep her in your thoughts and for those of you who pray, that to.

Today uhh.. I guess after I get some sleep, I'm supposed to trek out to hmm not sure what name to give him.. but anyway I'm supposed to go to my friend's place so we can discuss his screenplay that I want to turn into a novel since he hasn't really dont anything with it and I feel it's a solid story. He can write screenplays and outlines sure, story form, not so much. That's where I come in I suppose. Put a math equation in front of me and I'll draw you a stick figure. Give me something to write about, I'll ask you how many pages you want. So that should be interesting. That actually is another factor in the whole cop thing.

Somewhere along the line when I was growing up, I remember somebody saying.. write what you know about.. about your experiences and such. I need to experience.. well.. more. And ya know.. sitting in a high rise office building in a cubicle isn't going to bring many new and exciting experiences my way I feel.

Much to the dismay to a couple of people, I'm getting my firearm tomorrow. Hey.. if I'm going to pursue this cop thing I'll need to practice with that to right? Sides.. I'm a responsible adult.. no really. I'm not some gangsta thug that's gonna go rob the 7-11 down the street. So I'll have to name it after I get it because that's just what you do. I'm thinking it'll have to be a name from one of the characters from BSG since it kinda makes me think all sci fi lookin like.. Sharon perhaps?

Oh and later tonight I'm supposed to go to Gil's for a Tiki party.. huh.. not really sure how that works but whatever.. I should stop living in exile out here for a little bit. If it wasn't for the fact my sis has a DSL connection, I'd be living at the library or freakin Cyber Arena..

Anyway.. oh my damn, long post. I'm still not 100% positive about where or when I'm going to land with my working / living situation but hey.. what can you do besides adapt and move forward right?

I once dated a girl who was in AA a long long time ago. One of the things I admired about AA was the Serenity Prayer. Far be it for me to be all religious because well.. I'm not.. but I do like the words to it.

'God, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change;
the courage to change the things I can;
and the wisdom to know the difference.' -Reinhold Niebuhr

Moment of Clarity 07

It's interseting to me that if you don't sleep for over 24 hours your mind starts working (and not working) in different ways. It seems when I'm 'fully' awake my creativeness and imagination are a bit subdued since I'm constantly thinking about other things and stressing. The other day though I failed at the whole sleeping thing so I just kept on going until I passed out on a bed. During this time some ideas came to me about writing and I've since noted them. I also contacted a friend of mine we'll call him.. Stumpy (don't ask and no it's not what you're thinking you sicko). But this Saturday we're going to get together and go over some stuff he's written as well. He has a solid solid outline / screenplay that I've thought about for many years now from time to time. I've decided it's time to do something with it. So with his help and possibly Sakura's it's time for me to get back to writing.

It's an exciting prospect that I'm hoping to stick with and finish. Who knows it could be the path I'd like to follow seeing as how I enjoy doing IT work as much as sticking a fork in my eye.. nobody likes that.

I still have apps in to everywhere including out of state and hell out of country so we'll see how that goes. Maybe I should follow my sister's footsteps and go be a cop hehe.. but they don't get paid that well which in some cases is bullshit I think.

Either way.. it's just annoying not working. Damned if I feel like getting all emo and sitting in this room at my sister's at my computer and randomly sleeping. Need to find something just not sure what yet... boo. I need a compass.

Write more later.

- D -

AngryEmo.com

I should seriously register that domain name and put up a site.. why? Because I find it amusing :)

So it's the last week of working for 'The LandLord'. Layoff date is this Friday.. awesome. Still applying like mad for a job and have expanded the job search to different cities. San Jose, San Francisco, Monteray, LA, Santa Monica, OC, New York, Boston are some of the major ones outside of Chi.. someone needs to call me back and be like aw damn come work for us! People keep walking up to me at work today like.. HOLY CRAP! You still work here? Or.. wow! Your badge still works? (to get in the building

So.. I'm trying not to like this song... but it grows on you.. like fungus...

May The Gods Be Merciful

So for the last 'night' in New Mexico my sis and I are going to get out of this crap ass 'Leisure Inn' and go stay at the resort with the casino we went to a couple of days ago. Best name ever.. Inn of The Mountain Gods. It's on an Apache reservation and its freaking great. I'll be glad to get back to my style hotel/resort :)

Let's see some updates;

Carlsbad Caverns was pretty cool.. that's alot of walking. Took pics like a japanese tourist (minus pics of girls in school unfiorms) and I'll post a link to everything taken from the trip after I get back and have a chance to upload and resize etc. Def worth the drive, anyone who wants to see something cool and well pretty much not man made save for the lights that were added should check it out of they can.

Oh also forgot.. on the first day we were here.. we flew into El Paso, TX and after driving for a couple of hours we hit New Mexico and the Border Patrol had a road block type thing setup I'm guessing to look for uhh.. illegal.. workers? hehe.. anyway.. we pull up and I roll down the window.. the border patrol guy was like... Are you two US Citizens? I look at him and say.. Yep? He looks at us, looks in the backseat says ok and waves us through... Awesome. So.. apparently eventhough Texas is ya know on the border with Mexico the Border Patrol will wait to look for people until you hit New Mexico... brilliant.

Let's see couple of other things to mention today.. there was a costume show at the UFO Festival.. and no there were not hot blue or green women walking around scantly clad.. well ok there was one that MAY have been kinda cute but she was blue and well you couldn't really tell under the makeup. Captain Kirk would have been sad. The dogs and the kids' costumes were cute though. No pics of that because.. well.. it was hot out.

My sis and I also stopped at one of the booths at the festival and had pics of our auras taken. Yes you didn't read that wrong. It was actually kinda cool and disturbingly accurate. I've always been open minded about well.. everything but after doing some research into my results I have to say it's pretty dead on. Maybe Joan's sis-in-law knows stuff the rest of us don't... This was the equipment they used.. 6k for one of those machines at least.. jeez http://www.auraphoto.com/index1.shtml. I'll have to scan the report later and post it.. pretty wild stuff. Didn't take a pic of Chase Masterson because she wasn't the actress I thought she was oops. Did take a pic of Dean Hagel because well... it was sad and he used to be on the X-Files.

After the costume show stuff we walked on by a random Video Game Tournament by Midnight Gaming sponsored by McDonalds. Entry was free and we had time to kill before the night parade for the festival so I signed up. You were only allowed to play in one game of the games avail for the tournament. I picked Super Smash Bros for the Gamecube. Now.. keep in mind I've never played it.. short summary I beat a bunch of people and took 2nd losing to a kid (least he was 18), who showed up with his own controller and memory card to load his own custom character. Yeah.. once I saw he had all that crap I was like.. awesome. So he won a trip to Dallas to play in the national championships for 3k as first prize.. and for second place I got interviewed and was given a t-shirt. Was sad to since people working the event were cheerin for me. I'll have to see when I'm on TV or a podcast for the interviews I did. All I can say is at least it wasn't a game that I've been playing for awhile that I lost at.. I'd of had to walked off a cliff if I lost a Counterstrike tournament or something of that nature.

Just remember kids... Second place is the First Loser.. DOH! =P

More later (insert fob) Please to enjoy INN OF THE MOUNTAIN GODS after we have arrivaled. (end fob)

- Lakota

The Truth Isn't Out there, It's Here...

Currently on vacation with my sis in Roswell, NM.

Will post pics and all that when I get back next week.
This weekend should be interesting as all the geeks (I spose I'm one of them...) arrive for the 60th Roswell UFO Aniv.

Here's some quick notes;

Casino night tonight went quite well. There was a hot firework show there..guess they can afford the good shiat.
Saw a road sign with bullet holes.
It's hot here.
Roswell the TV show was in fact not filmed in Roswell, NM but in Cali.
I ate at a place called the Cover Up Cafe this morning.
I bought a new camera, its a digi Sony Cybershot.. it rocks hence pics coming soon.
I'm driving a Dodge Charger as my rental. Damn.. they're bigass cars.
My blackberry gets NO reception here. (Have my 630 cell with me)
The hotel I'm staying in.. lacks but its ok.
Going to go explore some caverns tomorrow in Carlsbad... ever see 'The Cave'?
Saw the guy from the Lone Gunmen / XFiles.. the one with long blonde hair. He cut it. He looks like a dork. Yes. Well.. I guess more so.

Dattebayo

Wow.. last post May 17th, 2007 eh? Well.. that's great.

So I'm trying to get my life back on track and stop slacking. There's a couple of jobs I'm applying for so hopefully one of those two pans out since they're gov jobs which apparently are more secure than private sector after you've been there for a couple of years.

Lay off date is quickly approaching. July 20th. I may not be able to follow through with the original plan of going to Thailand to do volunteer work. Mainly because of the fact that you have to raise or pay around $1500 out of pocket to go help people.. what kind of crap is that??

The current lease ends August 1st, so I need to sort this job thing out quickly so I can figure out around where it would be more convenient to live and all that.

Right now I'm just focusing on paying off bills and rebuilding credit. (Don't ask, but needless to say it sucks right now).

Yup.. need to reevaulate alot of things.

- D -

Not much

Not much has changed really. Still in drift mode trying to figure out what I want to do come September when I get laid off. Still not sure if I even want to stay in state. Guh.. weak... A friend of mine also recently passed away. It was tough not to think about her on Mother's Day as well as she had a young daughter. So sad.. wow I don't even want to talk about that.

I heart this song. I've recently been on a Delerium kick lately as I find the music inspires me to actually be creative and do something in that regard. This video's a bit weak since it uses KH2 for it.. but some of the scenes capture what I'd like to do with a high end video camera and various people. Yes.

System Shock

I'm on holiday right now in Florida. Be back next Monday.



Maybe I'll get some writing done while I'm down here.. or at least some reading.

Roxas

So.. my sister has this song on her ring tone, and after calling so many times it has burned itself into my head...

Nelly Furtado - Say It Right

(Look it's not a Final Fantasy video hehe)

Job update

Daaaaaaamn you got knocked the 'F' out...

Yeah.. so last day at this job will be September 28th..

Not to sure what I'm going to do yet.. still want to go
overseas for a little bit... do some volunteer work etc.
Feel like I need to clean out my soul a bit and do something
good for the world. Heh.



Yes its an FF video.. what can you do. I find it amusing
this is now the theme song to my life until my last day
at this company.

- D -

Can't forget bout X and X-2

Sniff.. so sad...

Gimme the cassshhh

So.. I'm hoping I do get laid off and given a sev package.

The plan so far if this happens.

1. Habitat for Humanity in Thailand. (1 mth)

2. Travel around random destinations (Romania, Bali, Japan, Taiwan, London, Greece, France) Ok maybe I wouldn't hit those all in one month but you get the idea.. I want to travel a bit. (1 mth)

3. Come back decide if I want to stay in state or not. If not, decide where to go and deal with all the details involved.

4. Find new job that pays the same I'm getting now if not more. (wishful thinking?)

5. Get new job. Adapt. Laugh like the guy from the 7-up commercial back in the day.

- D -

I am however resigned to the idea that because I WANT to be laid off and given the package, I probably instead will be offered a position I don't want and not get the package. Cynical? Pessimistic? Na.. just as always hoping for the best, expecting the worst.

When I was a young boy...

My Chemical Romance - Welcome to the Black Parade.. Final Fantasy style.. nice.

Life's a journey not a destination

Cmon.. ninjas.. anime girls.. video games.. Aerosmith.

Cloud! Tifa!

Why am I just posting videos? I dunno.. it's amusing I guess and so I can just come here to watch it later instead of looking it up again.

Youtube is getting sued. Boo. Stupid people.

Anyway.. this song fits well with the way this video is edited hahaha.

Each and Every Word

Ah.. good times.

Look in the mirror

Mirrormask

The song from the movie was in my head cuz it sounds semi creepy yet cool.. yes.

- D -

Like walking on train tracks

Have Gun Will Travel reads the card of a man.
A knight without armor in a savage land.

His fast gun for hire heeds the calling wind.
A soldier of fortune is the man called Paladin.

Paladin, Paladin Where do you roam?
Paladin, Paladin, Far, far from home.

He travels on to wherever he must
A chess knight of silver is his badge of trust

There are campfire legends that the trailmen spin
Of the man with the gun
Of the man called Paladin

Paladin Paladin Where do you roam?
Paladin Paladin Far, far from home
Far from home. Far from home.

If I leave here tomorrow

I'll never understand why it seems that in our most confused sleep deprived states, we can have our deepest moments of clarity and soul searching. I think it may have to do with the fact that it's more of our subconscious thinking than our conscious mind allowing us to not be hindered by our inhibitions or fears. How's that for some deep thoughts?

I dunno why but I've been digging on Freebird lately. Maybe it's the words or maybe it was a past life as a hippy. I'm not sure though. If I had a choice back in the day between being a hippy or a slacker 'greaser' / biker type it'd be tough. I think those thoughts were generated by watching a Back to the Future marathon last weekend.

Sat and Sun (Yesterday and the day before) I spent random hours sleeping and my sleep schedule is pretty screwed right now. Had a disturbing nightmare though on Sunday morning / afternoon where I was being attacked by a cross of the wraith prison guard things from Harry Potter and the riders from Lord of the Rings. It was pretty disturbing. Black shadowy figures with bright white faces.. well not really faces but circles in the hood with bright light. Basically I would stand in a room then suddenly it would get really dark and I'd squint and not be able to see anything. Then the creature would appear and would get really bright and I'd feel this pressure on my chest. Haruka was in the dream to and I remember asking her if it was dark but she didn't see anything out of the ordinary. It was pretty stressful and I so didn't wake up rested. Meh.. for all I know the pressure on my chest was a cat sleeping on my chest... what.. its a big cat..

At least after work today I'll finally get the tire on my car fixed. Got alot of stuff I need to do. Clean the apartment. Get caught up on my credit cards.. well at least get the process of getting that 'set up' and cleaned up. That's gonna suck.

Freebird - Lynyrd Skynyrd

Sometimes the original is best

So much better than the US remake..



My Sassy Girl (Korean)

Shuffle Mode for the lose...

Azumi's defending my playlist...

(From my myspace)

So thanks to Ben for putting up a bulletin that I thought I'd repost because I was also bored.

After going through this however I find that I am greatly embarrassed by some of my music but whatever.. that's why they invented the 'next' button on an mp3 player right?

1. Open your library (iTunes, Winamp, Media Player, iPod, etc)
2. Put it on shuffle
3. Press play
4. For every question, type the song that's playing
5. When you go to a new question, press the next button
6. Don't lie and try to pretend your cool...just type it in man!

If your life were a movie this would be your soundtrack..

Opening Credits: Here With Me - Dido

Waking Up: Scars of Love - TKA

First Day At School: Yellow – Coldplay

Falling In Love: Deliver Me – Sarah Brightman

Losing Virginity: Comfortable – John Mayer

Fight Song: Opening Mandlebrot – Blue Man Group

Breaking Up: Help – Bananarma (remake) (Wow.. I don’t know what to say about that.)

Prom: Butterfly – Tori Amos

Life: Bumblebee - Aqua (Wtf on the category and the song)

Mental Breakdown: Forgotten – Linkin Park

Driving: Don’t Leave Home - Dido

Flashback: If You Really Wanna Party With Me – Busta Rhymes

Getting Back Together: The Fragile – NIN (HAHAHAHAHA)

Wedding: Cosmos – Tatu (Maybe if life were an anime?)

Birth of Child: Ride With Me – Nelly

Final Battle: Penny Lane – The Beatles

Death Scene: Come Into My Dreams - Foggy

Funeral Song: Sweet – Inner Circle (Wow.. everyone would have to be high at my funeral running around saying YAH MON!)

End Credits: Everything - Lifehouse

A Journey

Heheh.. classic..

Return of the Jedi.. kinda

So I'm back on my feet after the pneumonia owned me for two weeks.

Thanks to Haruka for putting together the Birthday festivities last weekend at Dick's Last Resort... yeah I'm lazy look it up if you want to know bout it.

Been thrown back into work while it lasts. May be on permanent vacation from this company soon which could be both good and bad. I know one thing's for sure, if and when I get laid off I need to take some time to walk the Earth.. "What you mean walk the Earth? You know.. like Kane from Kung-Fu". Yes.

Sad news.. singingfish.com is no more. Seems like the bastards at AOL decided they didn't want people downloading free videos and mp3s anymore. The nerve of some people... so now I'm checking out http://www.seekasong.com/. Not sure if it's good or not yet.

Write more later.. gotta work. But yeah.. I'm alive and all that.

Oh also.. I feel out of need, next year for my birthday I'm going native and hiding in the jungles of Thailand with the mountain people... hot.

- D -

Well damn

Went to the ER over the weekend and they gave me antibiotics because apparently my dumbass has penumonia again... awesome. Doesn't seem to be working though so I think tomorrow (when I wake up today on wed) my sis is gonna take me back to the hospital for a wtf type of visit.

Well.. for what it's worth..

And no Joan, I did not break the dog. =)

wha?

Yeah no posts past couple of days. I've had the sickness and have felt like death. Still recovering but feel I should actually go to work more than one day this week. Meh.. it's gonna suck tomorrow (friday).

Also looks like I now work for The Blackstone Group.. at least until they lay people off. Lets hope it doesn't effect the corporate office in Chicago because hell if I'll be able to find another company dumb enough to pay me what I'm getting now eh? Then again.. I guess it's not that dumb considering they work me like an imported railroad worker...

Roll with the changes (a chat log)

Haha...

[11:27] gilae: ogilvie for christs sake
[11:27] lakota: oh
[11:27] lakota: well you said northwest
[11:27] lakota: that confooosed me
[11:27] gilae: that's what it used to be called
[11:27] gilae: and a lot of people still call it that
[11:27] lakota: pfft
[11:27] gilae: omg are you from chicago or wtf
[11:27] lakota: lol
[11:27] lakota: i change with the times
[11:27] lakota: i dont hold on to old names!
[11:28] lakota: if they started calling it the ass tower instead of the sears tower
[11:28] lakota: you damn right ill be sayin lets go to the ass tower
[11:28] gilae: lol

No idea what I was going to post

Wow.. was at work last night and they turned off the lights because everyone went home.... bastards.

I need to do some free writing and get a couple new things down on paper. Was thinking of a story going off the X-Files having it 20+ years after the end of the show... might continue the Angels vs Demons story.. dunno what I feel like doing right now. Need a muse to make it easier. Yes. Haven't gone on a photo shoot in awhile but well.. it's cold out.

Random thoughts since I got my headphones on and trying to get all this crap done at work.

I grew up watching hella sci fi.. Battlestar Galactica, Buck Rogers, Star Trek, Dr.Who etc.. now I've gotten older, and oddly most of the shows have been remade and I'm still watching. I find I often like newer techie things vs older classic things, but there's a time and a place for everything. Like an old castle from back in the day? Cool. Not having a flat screen tv and air conditioning in it? Not cool. Excalibur? Cool. Freakin Lightsaber? Cooler.

Damn.. there's stuff I wanted to write about but I can't think right now.. I'll have to try again later.

The Beatles - Help

Hmm then again I think I liked the Monkees more growing up hehe.

Kinda I Want To

Listening to nin at work always makes me reminisce.. ah, good times.. or was I just to dumb when I was younger to know better?

On the upside new nin albums comes out this month. Last time I went to a nin concert it was just.. weird. It was exactly the same crowd of people but they didn't age and I did, least that's what it felt like. Whatever though, I still can appreciate Trent Reznor.

Sigh. Bored. Tired of working. There's a special joy in coffee black. It would worry me one day if I had to map out all my random trains of thought.

In the frigid weather of Chicago.. you can appreciate one thing over all other things warmth

NIN - A Warm Place

So lucky...

People are damn lucky I don't have superpowers. I can see it now..

Super Hero Name: Shin Lakota
Special Moves: Multi-Task Barrage / Instant Message..of death / Eternal Sleepless Assault!
Weakness: Hawtness
Most like: Naruto with Goku's power

But yeah... work is driving me nucking futs... sigh.

- D -
---

Information Society - Can't Slow Down

My heart is a drum that’s pounding.
My mind is a note that’s sounding.
Let the choir sing your praises.
I’ll state my case in four-note phrases.

Can I get a witness to my rate?
Will anyone quantify my fate?
While I’ve been waiting for you,
Lives I’ve been creating for you.

I can’t slow down.
Like a river I’m flowing on and on.
Some way, somehow.
I will find out where I am going.
Someday.

The meaning of life is to attack.
There’s a special joy in coffee black.
When I see the red, the black, the green,
I’m seeing the color of my dreams.

My song is a tree that’s hollow.
My mantra is I must follow
Where those hooded eyes are leading.
I cannot be stopped for speeding.

I can’t slow down.
Like a river, I’m flowing on and on.
Some way, some how.
I will find out where I am going.
I can’t slow down.
Like a river, I’m flowing on and on.
Some way, some how.
I will find where I am going.
Someday.

More than meets the eye

Oh baby.

When I was younger a good friend of mine... we'll call him Data, used to say to people 'Personal problems don't impress me'. I used to thing that was one of the most brilliant things ever. Now that I'm older and ha, wiser, I think more importantly I'd like to tell people.. 'Impress Me' and non chalantly wave my hand dismissing them to await the results of their efforts. Elitest? Na. Delusions of grandiuer? Of course not. Freaking hilarious in my own mind? You damn right.

- D -

It's anime/game theme song day (www.singingfish.com for the win! - Singing fish has both the jp and english versions to some of the following songs).

Two Mix - Rhythm Emotion(Gundam Wing)

Go!!1 (Naruto OP 4)

Kung Fu Generation - Rewrite (Full Metal Alchemist)

Rie Fu - Life Is Like a Boat (Bleach - Closing Theme 1)

Koda Kumi - Real Emotion (Final Fantasy X-2)

Utada Hikaru - Simple and Clean (Kingdom Hearts)

Yoko Kanno/Origa - Inner Universe (Ghost In The Shell SAC 1)

Youko Takahashi - Cruel Angel Thesis (Evangelion Main Theme)

Okino Shuntaro - Cloud Age Symphony (Last Exile)

Continuum

Been rocking the Court Square hoody this week. Past couple of days been into John Mayer which is odd for me as he's definitely not a female vocalist. I think I just appreciate that it's chill.

Money money money. Money sucks. Everybody wants it, but wouldn't the world be so much simpler if we got rid of currency altogether? If we removed money and religion out of the equation, there would be far less violence in the world. Then the only other major thing you have to worry about is crimes of passion/stupidity/human nature.

I have an adopted sister I've never met. I guess she's 17 now. Interesting. Not sure if I'd want to meet her. Would be a bit awkward especially if I was like.. hey your parents (my 'dad' and step-monster) both suck. Yeah. Good times.

Not seeing most of my friends on a daily basis like before is probably one of the big reasons I'm enjoying playing Warcraft online with them again. It's kinda like hanging out still, cept well not the same.

I miss being a kid where all I had to worry about was where I could get money to go to the arcade with or for the next game of Q-Zar and how to avoid getting speeding tickets.

I haven't travelled in awhile, used to go somewhere at least once a year. Miss that. Road trips with a group is always fun, miss that to, but it's only good if everyone in the group gets along.

- D -

Though, I've been listening to Daughters alot more lately. Biological clock? pfft. Don't know. But maybe.

"Girls become lovers that turn into mothers so mothers be good to your daughters to."

John Mayer - No Such Thing

I wanna run through the halls of my high school
I wanna scream at the
Top of my lungs
I just found out there's no such thing as the real world
Just a lie you got to rise above

I am invincible
As long as I'm alive

I wanna run through the halls of my high school
I wanna scream at the
Top of my lungs
I just found out there's no such thing as the real world
Just a lie you've got to rise above

I just can't wait til my 10 year reunion
I'm gonna bust down the double doors
And when I stand on these tables before you
You will know what all this time was for

Anchored

I was sitting at work when I got some new email on my yahoo account. Some random people had some friend requests for myspace. It's interesting that myspace actually has a ranking system based on how many friends you have. I don't understand why exactly that's important.

Quality over quantity.

Why do people feel the need to have a connection with others? Because it's that connection that holds us to this Earth. Without connections to other people and live human contact you would probably stop being yourself. If our actions define who we are, what happens when no one else is there to witness any of your actions? Sure you'd still have a sense of self, but would you have a sense of being and a feeling of accomplishment or contentment? I should go interview a hobbit. I mean a hermit. Yes.

- D -

PS Happy Birthdya to Koopa who fell off the face of the planet. At least he's probably happy though :)

Hard Day's Night

It's been a hard day's night.. at yes, I've been working like a dog. bark. bark. Someone give me a treat or at least a new tasty chew toy that squeaks? Ok thanks.

Not much to say really. Been playing World of Warcraft again. Sure it's fun and a nice escape but when I log off there's still all the same problems and demons waiting to start throwing another rave in my mind. Boo.

This song has been in my head all day today. Thankfully I was able to download it from singingfish.com , which is usually what I do when a song I don't already have in my head plays in my head. It brings back alot of memories and a couple of lessons I've learned in my lifetime. Here's two semi amusing ones I learned when I was younger.

1. If you're asking a girl out for a date for the very first time and it's a movie, make sure it's not some ultra violent film like 'Natural Born Killers'.

2. Regardless of how cool it is that you go to the arcade with your girlfriend and that she can beat people at fighting games, it is not suggested to get upset with her, play her and subsequently get a 'flawless victory' without breaking a sweat eliciting comments of 'oh damn' from the big crowd that is watching. Heh.. good times. ( Though it is sad that nowadays all gaming is done from the comfort of your home. I miss going to arcades and putting up your quarter or token to indicate next up).

I was supposed to go to Toronto for training at the end of this month but that's been cancelled since there's to much stuff to do. I can't just be out of the office for that long right now. There are three follow up session that I can go to. One is in Cali, another is in Chicago, the last in Boston. Yeah.. I'm pushing for Cali or Boston. Course.. this could all change in a couple weeks when the company I work for gets bought out by whoever they decided to sell to. I don't so much want to be 'liquidated' in any sense of the word actually.

Ah well.. all we can do is move forward, keep trying, and trying to not forget to breathe.

- D -

Oh wait wait I forgot I like posting random pictures of things now.. To celebrate the return of Battlestar this Sunday...

Local time eh?

Birthday Wishes to Nong Soi.. though I'm not sure if that's the right name since you're a whole month older than me nyah :)

Like the side of the pike

I hate when my coffee tastes like coffee grounds and hot water! .. hehe.

No that's not what we use at work.. but it's funny because it's Sanka!

Oh and note.. beware if you do a yahoo or google search on just 'Sanka'.

I hate when my coffee tastes like ground coffee and hot water! .. hehe.

Just damn.

See title...

"The needs of the many, outweigh the needs of the few, or the one."

Dream a little dream

So.. my sleep schedule has been screwed the past couple of days. I've been going to sleep somewhere between 5 and 7pm and waking up between 2 and 4am. Yeah.. that would be great if I were talking to people overseas all the time or something, but that's rare :P

So anyway, I had these two dreams that bothered or annoyed me. First was just one that was me being at work someone saying I was late, then me waking up trying to figure out what the hell time it was. After a couple of minutes I figured out that whole am, pm thing. No big deal there but man, that sucks when you dream about work only to wake up to have to actually go to work. Boo.

The second dream was odd. It was about an friend of mine from high school I haven't seen or talked to since. I dunno how but I was at her house and I'm not sure if we aged or still looked like we were in high school but the conversation went something to the effect of.. "Where have you been?" "I've been here the whole time." (Which was accompanied by a look of, you dumbass).

To top that off.. I grabbed a newspaper this morning and was reading through it while waiting for my train to get to the station (which turned out to be running 55 minutes late) and I checked out my horoscope.. get this.. "Aquarius - You could be lost in daydreams about someone. Venus is increasing your tendency to get lost in fantasy. You're thinking about what could have been or should have been. Remember you'll still have to deal with reality at some point."

Seriously.. someone needs to be kicked in the face.

- D -

Video killed the radio star

This is pretty great. Someone made a list of almost *all* the videos on youtube. A couple of the videos have been removed but most work.

HERE

- D -

pew pew master chief

Altitude warning. Descent rate to high.

“You think?” I yelled back into my helmet

I looked down to see the ground charging at me faster and faster. It’s funny the way the mind thinks in a situation like that. Here I was hurtling towards the ground and I had thought I was the stationary object with something coming at me. Tucking my arms back and keeping my legs straight I leaned my body to try and aim for the lake I had seen earlier. Power diving, I was on course but my speed had also increased. Reaching for my grenade belt I prepared to try something that you should only try when your options are death, and probable death. I had four grenades with me and set them all to detonate on impact. The exosuit I was wearing was heavily shielded and armored which in theory should protect me from the grenade detonation. Flipping myself over while falling, I strapped the grenades under my feet and began to fall straight down feet first. It could have been an amusement park ride in another situation but for me this was not an ideal moment. Crossing my arms and keeping my head straight I got ready for impact.

“Lavi can I get a countdown please”

5, 4, 3, 2, 1.. impact

The moment the grenades touched the water they exploded breaking the stillness of the surface while changing my momentum. Warning alarms blaring in my helmet I felt the water envelop me quickly. I clawed at the water trying to swim but realizing that the exosuit prevented me to swim any better than a rock wearing flippers. I waited till I settled on the bottom of the lake maybe five meters from the surface. My legs were wobbly when I touched solid ground but they were still attached to my body and I was still alive. I walked a few meters until I came to the shore. The enemy knew we were here and they would be looking for survivors.

“Lavi, activate sonic nullifier and active camouflage”

Sonic nullifier and active camouflage systems activated.

The nullifier would hide my life signs from any active scans and the active camouflage would take care of anyone visually scanning the area. I was slowly going into shock from everything that just happened.

“Lavi, open communications with the rest of the squad and locate”

Unable to fulfill request. Planet side communications are being disrupted by unknown forces. Squad member beacons not active.

This was bad, either the beacons were being jammed or the other guys didn’t survive the fall. I had made it into the tree line when my legs finally gave out… okay maybe I’ll rest for a few minutes.

It’s been over 48 hours since our drop pod was shot down. Upon weapons impact, the pod began to disintegrate and the last time I saw my comrades everyone was free falling in different directions. We all had on our combat exosuits which for the most part should have absorbed the force of impact on the ground but from the altitude we were at the chances were slim.

“Lavi, has there been any word from the Tichon about reinforcements or extraction?”

Negative. Satcom is being disrupted by enemy forces. Limited communication is available.

Damn it. It was a textbook recon drop, or at least that’s what we thought on the way down. My squad and I were to gather intelligence on enemy movements and analyze anti air capabilities. Initial reports had indicated a lack of anti air which should allow for a smooth drop. Someone was wrong, and if I get back to HQ, someone is going to meet the wrong side of my Steyer pistol.

Ah lighthouses..

Hmm.. blog's going to be messy for a little bit. Started this whole upgrading thing but well I should be working right now so yeah I'll get to it when I get to it.

Problem with being in the midwest, is you spend some days wanting to be on one coast or another and just not generally being satisfied with where you are.

Probably going to free write some later to. Been itching to put some stuff down. Probably due to the lack of proper well rested sleep.

- D -

No Need For a Title

Two of the biggest hurdles for the year have been passed.. well at least for 2006.

Christmas and New Year's have both come and gone. Uneventful? Dunno. Good or bad? Sure. Whatever.

I've been watching many many episodes of Naruto on youtube as of late. It reminds me that I'm sad I can't go around throwing shuriken at people and being able to be all like.. NINJA VANISH! *poof* but whatever.

Hope everyone had a good holiday and is well and good. I know some people had a rough time. I'll try to think good thoughts for you.

- D -