Trick or Treat?

Been listening to alot of music lately. Putting together some new compilations and such. I was a DJ in another lifetime I feel. The grey crappy Portland like weather hasn't helped things. Meh.

Earlier tonight carved a pumpkin and I have to say it turned out pretty badass. Now I just need some glowsticks for it.. GLOWSTICKS!!!

So this is one of the songs that's been bugging me as of late.

Somebody' - Depeche Mode ( Though been listening to the Veruca Salt cover )
I want somebody to share
Share the rest of my life
Share my innermost thoughts
Know my intimate details
Someone who'll stand by my side
And give me support
And in return
She'll get my support
She will listen to me
When I want to speak
About the world we live in
And life in general
Though my views may be wrong
They may even be perverted
She'll hear me out
And won't easily be converted
To my way of thinkingIn fact she'll often disagree
But at the end of it all
She will understand me
--

Tomorrow I have a class to review finals.. groan.. then I'm supposed to run to the zoo and help with this thing I volunteered for to give candy to kids etc.. it's going to be a long morning.. and a longer afternoon.. holla back.

It's never easy

Hmm.. so as of late, well ok for the past couple of years, I've been trying to figure out what I want to do with my life. Working in IT is good for the money but quite honestly it's pretty useless in the big picture of things. If I could I dunno.. work in the Peace Corps and make the same money I do now, that would be pretty sweet. On a silly note, in order to go volunteer for something like that, you have to raise a certain amount of money to go. Now that makes no sense to me. It's like.. hi, I'm willing to give up all my creature comforts, all my choco berry lattes, whatever to go help people.. yet I have to raise an assload of money in order to do so? Good job there. I just want to do something... worthy.

Only 7 more months or so in my lease for my overpriced one bedroom apartment. Can't wait till it's up then I can go get a 2 bedroom or a condo somewhere else for the same amount I'm paying now or less even.

I have all this stuff in life planned.. well not 'all' but a bunch of things. Like.. I know where I want to get married at (kind of)... I know one day I want a daughter and what her name will be, though I'd want a son to I'm sure.

There's a friend of mine I hung out with not to long ago. It gave me great comfort to know that there are still some people in this world that are 'real' . Real meaning.. I dunno.. some people just can give you that sense of Hi.. here I am, this is me and then smile at you.

Yeah. " I got nothin. "

So You Want To Be a Ninja

I've been told it's a good thing but at the same time I have to think there are some issues in my psyche to cause this. The majority of the time when I am awake and coherent, I always assess a situation and come up with possible scenarios. Such as.. I enter a room and there's two people in the room. I look at them, size them up and think.. ok.. if I had to fight what could I use as a weapon, how would the fight go etc. On the flipside, I also have to observe my surroundings to try and make sure that there is always an escape route. It's just this natural instinct in me that tells me.. hey.. be ready to fight.. you don't know what could happen.

Last of the Lakotas

Man.. for no real reason or at least all the wrong reasons I've had that line from Last of the Mohicans in my head where dude was all like ," Wherever you go, I WILL Find you!" I mean damn.. that's hard core.

I watched this anime over the weekend, well the movie version of it anyway. I watched the actual 7 DVD series version a couple months ago. And the writing in it is actually really good. If you ever get the chance I HIGHLY recommend this series called Rahxephon. Aside from the fighting and the action.. its funny and what it boils down to.. a love story. Watch it, you'll see what I mean. Just damn.

I haven't gamed much as of late. Mostly because work and school have been owning my soul. It sucks actually but whatever. I'm still trying to figure out what I want to be when I grow up I guess.

Ohmigod Ohmigod Ohmigod

Bouncing off the walls.. running around the office pondering tackling anyone in the aisles.. AHHHH!!! OOF ! . Needless to say, I have a new love in life that rivals even the love I have for ' jacket ' . And that love is.... the 'Choco Berry' latte. Oh. My. God. It's sooooo good. Most coffee shops will have raspberry syrup they can add to coffee. So far I've had it from Caribou which uses white chocolate cocoa, espresso, steamed milk and raspberry and also from Starbucks which uses White Chocolate Mocha, steamed milk, espresso and raspberry syrup. Both of course have whip cream on top and quite possible an extra shot of espresso. I don't care if it sounds like a girly coffee drink or not.. ITS FREAKING GOOD ! Go get some! Do eeet! Do it now!

Sport Utility Assholes!

Ok sooo I've been sitting on this rant because I've been lazy pretty much but damn.. this is something that annoys me to no end ! Unless you go off roading on a daily basis or live I dunno.. maybe IN THE BURBS.. there is NO reason you should own or drive an SUV in a densely populated city ! Completely disregarding the whole environmental issues with SUVs I mean cmon.. big ass SUV + people who cannot parallel park = an angry Lakota. Grrrrrrrr. I came home and there was an SUV parked in the spot next to mine.. keep in mine these are paid spots for my apartment building and he doesn't live here... and his big ass truck is halfway in my spot... What's that ? There's a dent in your door? Why I have no idea how that got there!... tools.

Scars.. what was I thinking?

I have a scar on my wrist. Everytime I look at it I go.. what the hell was I thinking. I only talk about it randomly when people ask me how I got it. It's a rather impressive cut but it's not in the 'correct' direction if it were meant to be a suicide attempt. And no, I'd never do the whole suicide thing because that's just lame and a sign of weakness. I mean sure maybe if an army of zombies was coming at me and I knew they were going to eat my brains.. actually no, even then I'd still be like.. come get some you zombie bitches! Yeah ok.. later.

Anonymous...

So I received this comment about my current relationship with my favorite piece of clothing.

Anonymous said...
Quit goofing with your coat, goof :)

----

It made me laugh at the same time ponder the whole anonymous thing. It makes me start to think.. ohhh.. was it this person or that person or or or... yeah it goes on and on. Only one person I knew ever really said goof but I don't think I gave them this site.. or maybe I have I'm not to sure. Either way that has to be one of the most annoying things about my psyche is that I dwell to much on my past. All the shoulda, coulda, wouldas. Is it from lack of closure ? Or is it simply feeling that maybe in another lifetime some things could have been very different...

Many years ago like.. almost ten I think, I wrote these words and had them on various notebooks or walls around.
------
If you can't let get of the past,
You can't live in the present,
And there is no future for you.
------
Funny how sometimes I can be really insightful yet I tend to not listen to myself very much. A friend of mine was saying they were worried about me. It's nice to be worried about I guess. At the same time, I'm just like pfft, there's nothing to worry about. I'm the one that people bring their problems to. I'm the one that listens and offers advice based purely on my own personal beliefs and experiences. By no means do I feel that the things I have to say should carry *that* much weight. Sometimes it's just nice to talk to see who will listen, and to lead to see who will follow.

I sometimes want to talk to a shrink, not because I feel I need to but I'm curious to see if I can outwit them. Maybe play a little 'Survivor' with prozac. There was an Ellen special that was like, "Do you feel sad... do you feel depressed" .. " Yeah I'm alive ! " If a doctor of any kind ever said, hey Dhavid.. I think you're depressed.. I think I'd be like.. oh yeah? Wanna pay off my credit cards for me, get me a better job, and take these college classes for me because I sure won't be depressed after that haha.. tools.

And yes, I am aware I've avoided specific pronouns but there's a certain calming charm to being vague sometimes, no? That whole... what or who is he talking about? When? Where? toyshm? ( no one knows what that means so don't bother guessing ).

The things we do..

I've always been a firm believer of paying attention to detail and remebering the things people say to you in conversations. You never know when a bit of information that could seem meaningless at the time, can be used to convey sincerity and thoughtfulness.

Trying to live life as 'the good guy' you realize over time that there are certain things you can and cannot do. I had a conversation with a friend of mine over the weekend who was having relationship issues. He wasn't sure really sure what he should do or what he wanted. In all honesty it was like speaking to myself when we were talking. Something he said kind of struck a chord in me though. It was something to the effect of "I want to do the right thing." To which I responded with.. "Sometimes it's not about what you feel is the right thing, but rather what you *want* to do." I'm not exactly sure if that was the best suggestion but I guess it is kind of true. I mean, you can only do so much for the other person before one day you're like.. huh..maybe I should do this or that for myself. And in no way should you feel 'selfish' if you do something for yourself once in awhile.

Man I started this, this morning and been to busy at work to finish it. I'll write more later.

Reasons...

Looks like the cold front has definitely made itself known in Chicago. Awesome. Kinda..
Because of the cold I of course am able to share my love freely...

I'm not a perfect person
There's many things I wish I didn't do
But I continue learning
I never meant to do those things to you
And so I have to say before I go
That I just want you to knowI
've found a reason for me
To change who I used to be
A reason to start over new
and the reason is you


I'm sorry that I hurt you
It's something I must live with everyday
And all the pain I put you through
I wish that I could take it all away
And be the one who catches all your tears
Thats why i need you to hear
I've found a reason for me
To change who I used to be
A reason to start over newand the reason is You
---

sniff.. I LOVE YOU.. -JACKET-
---

So yeah what else.. I'm going through the corporate version of 'Survivor' right now. Long story, needless to say lots of drama.. Anger.. rising... Unleash the Fury !

It's my lil bro's bday today! Happy B-day Donovan ! Er.. I guess he's 25 so that means he's not little anymore.. but still.. damn.

Oh and last night.. I had my 'Intro the Internet' class. All I can say is.. 1 day of hell for the next 8 weeks. Meh.. guess I'll be blogging at least once a week from there ohhhh good idea!