In the country

Current Song on Repeat - Stevie B - When I Dream About You (dunno dont ask)

Contrary to what my sister tells me, I feel that I'm currently living IN THE COUNTRY.. why do I say that?

Let's see;

1. I have been mosquito fodder. Apparently when I got here one mosquito called all of his friends and said HEY! The Thai Buffet is open!.. bastard I will kill them all.

2. Look around.. you see any skyscrapers? Yeah that's what I thought.

3. Wasps. Ohmigod. I'm about to get ninja on these big ass wasps out here and whip out a sword cuz damn they look like they could fight back even if I had one. 'I need more bullets'.

4. Praying Mantis. No really. I was parked at the Starbucks down the street (amazing there is one) and.. there was not one but TWO on my car. Omen? Sure. It means. MOVE THE F--- back towards the city.

So the job hunt continues. One of my former coworkers actually hit me up a couple of minutes ago as I was hitting apply for another job and he's like.. hey you looking for a job still? Yeah.. I don't think I've hit reply on an email that fast in a long time. So we'll see how that goes.

I guess the new / current plan is.. find an IT job. Do it. Get in shape (really good shape) and look for / apply for a law enforcement job that I'd want to do. Ideally it would be pretty hot to work on computers and carry a gun and kick people in the face... yeah that sounds like a good day.

There's been rediculous storms out here as of late to. I'll laugh if I go to sleep (it happens sometimes) and wake up in Oz.

This blows.. I haven't been out of the house in days. Sure I guess that's on me but I just haven't really had the will to actually get out of bed or leave my room or do anything. It's not about the money though money is nice.. it's about being useful and doing something. I think that's why eventhough my last job before the whole corporate buyout thing, eventhough I worked mad hours, I liked it because it was like.. hey look at me doing something useful and getting paid for it. Sure it wasn't world changing or epic, but it was still like.. this is my ground, and I'm going to hold it, ya know?

More later must get back to applying for jobs people don't want to give me yet.

- D -

Serenity

(Ever notice how peacful, furry and warm cats look when they're sleeping? Damn.. I want to be a freakin cat.. an indoor cat that has nice owners that give me treats, catnip and random toys.. that would be great..and I could sleep all the time unlike right now.)

Moving on then..

We all have slumps and funks and bad things happen to us no matter how hard we try or how much we want things to be alright. In the end it just isn't always up to us no matter how hard you fight. It doesn't mean you should just lie down and accept it. I'll never accept things are predestined or fated to happen. And even after my last breath, I will always want to fight and to change the things that I refuse to agree with.

I've been digging Ayumi Hamsaki alot lately. Here and there I dip into J-Pop mode. Recently a friend of mine listened to some and she didn't dig it which is understandable. My reply was.. well usually most J-Pop I'll listen to it's hard to be upset or in a bad mood when you're listening to it. Not knowing how to speak or understand fluent Japanese (yet!) then you're forced to rely on the emotions and overall tones of a song. It's an interesting thing that I recommend to anyone. Listen to a song in a language you don't understand, really LISTEN to it. If you can connect to a song on an emotional level it just makes it even better than being able to understand the words themselves because you just *know* how it should make you feel.

There's many YouTube like sites out there. The latest I've delved into is http://www.crunchyroll.com. It's pretty great and I'm thinking about donating to watch stuff fullscreen/HiRes. Stage6.com is also pretty great. Between those three sites I almost don't watch TV aside from the Sci Fi Channel for series like Battlestar Galactica / Dr.Who / and Flash Gordon (which is actually pretty good).

My latest pursuit in this whole job thing has made me figure out that though the money is ridiculous in IT.. it's not something I want to do at all anymore. The mere thought of having to support people in that capacity or to deal with the day to day corporate life just makes me cringe. When I was younger I had tried to join the military.. Air Force cuz I always liked jets and such. Sadly.. being Type 2 Diabetic they gave me the verbal finger and said no. I bet had the 'war' been on when I had tried to get in, it would have been a different story. Anyway.. I've always had a sense that I should be doing something... 'more'. Not being able to do the volunteer trip in Thailand like I wanted to also bummed me out. So to cut a long story short.. I've decided I want to look into becoming a cop.. yeah I know right? Oddly.. many people that 'really' know me have said they could see me doing that and being good at it. Huh.. how bout that.. as generic as it sounds maybe I should be a police officer when I grow up eh? There has to be alot of physical training before I apply since there's this thing called the P.O.W.E.R. test you have to pass and all that. Damned if I want to be one of those cops who don't look like they could chase a one legged crook limping downhill.. you know what I mean... the hey pass me another deep fried twinkie types.

Again.. the whole not sleeping thing yet.. really opens your eyes and your mind to things. I lost my patience when speaking to Haruka earlier who's going through alot right now and I have to apologize to her for that. She's going through some tough times and her father is having some medical issues so please keep her in your thoughts and for those of you who pray, that to.

Today uhh.. I guess after I get some sleep, I'm supposed to trek out to hmm not sure what name to give him.. but anyway I'm supposed to go to my friend's place so we can discuss his screenplay that I want to turn into a novel since he hasn't really dont anything with it and I feel it's a solid story. He can write screenplays and outlines sure, story form, not so much. That's where I come in I suppose. Put a math equation in front of me and I'll draw you a stick figure. Give me something to write about, I'll ask you how many pages you want. So that should be interesting. That actually is another factor in the whole cop thing.

Somewhere along the line when I was growing up, I remember somebody saying.. write what you know about.. about your experiences and such. I need to experience.. well.. more. And ya know.. sitting in a high rise office building in a cubicle isn't going to bring many new and exciting experiences my way I feel.

Much to the dismay to a couple of people, I'm getting my firearm tomorrow. Hey.. if I'm going to pursue this cop thing I'll need to practice with that to right? Sides.. I'm a responsible adult.. no really. I'm not some gangsta thug that's gonna go rob the 7-11 down the street. So I'll have to name it after I get it because that's just what you do. I'm thinking it'll have to be a name from one of the characters from BSG since it kinda makes me think all sci fi lookin like.. Sharon perhaps?

Oh and later tonight I'm supposed to go to Gil's for a Tiki party.. huh.. not really sure how that works but whatever.. I should stop living in exile out here for a little bit. If it wasn't for the fact my sis has a DSL connection, I'd be living at the library or freakin Cyber Arena..

Anyway.. oh my damn, long post. I'm still not 100% positive about where or when I'm going to land with my working / living situation but hey.. what can you do besides adapt and move forward right?

I once dated a girl who was in AA a long long time ago. One of the things I admired about AA was the Serenity Prayer. Far be it for me to be all religious because well.. I'm not.. but I do like the words to it.

'God, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change;
the courage to change the things I can;
and the wisdom to know the difference.' -Reinhold Niebuhr

Moment of Clarity 07

It's interseting to me that if you don't sleep for over 24 hours your mind starts working (and not working) in different ways. It seems when I'm 'fully' awake my creativeness and imagination are a bit subdued since I'm constantly thinking about other things and stressing. The other day though I failed at the whole sleeping thing so I just kept on going until I passed out on a bed. During this time some ideas came to me about writing and I've since noted them. I also contacted a friend of mine we'll call him.. Stumpy (don't ask and no it's not what you're thinking you sicko). But this Saturday we're going to get together and go over some stuff he's written as well. He has a solid solid outline / screenplay that I've thought about for many years now from time to time. I've decided it's time to do something with it. So with his help and possibly Sakura's it's time for me to get back to writing.

It's an exciting prospect that I'm hoping to stick with and finish. Who knows it could be the path I'd like to follow seeing as how I enjoy doing IT work as much as sticking a fork in my eye.. nobody likes that.

I still have apps in to everywhere including out of state and hell out of country so we'll see how that goes. Maybe I should follow my sister's footsteps and go be a cop hehe.. but they don't get paid that well which in some cases is bullshit I think.

Either way.. it's just annoying not working. Damned if I feel like getting all emo and sitting in this room at my sister's at my computer and randomly sleeping. Need to find something just not sure what yet... boo. I need a compass.

Write more later.

- D -