In the country

Current Song on Repeat - Stevie B - When I Dream About You (dunno dont ask)

Contrary to what my sister tells me, I feel that I'm currently living IN THE COUNTRY.. why do I say that?

Let's see;

1. I have been mosquito fodder. Apparently when I got here one mosquito called all of his friends and said HEY! The Thai Buffet is open!.. bastard I will kill them all.

2. Look around.. you see any skyscrapers? Yeah that's what I thought.

3. Wasps. Ohmigod. I'm about to get ninja on these big ass wasps out here and whip out a sword cuz damn they look like they could fight back even if I had one. 'I need more bullets'.

4. Praying Mantis. No really. I was parked at the Starbucks down the street (amazing there is one) and.. there was not one but TWO on my car. Omen? Sure. It means. MOVE THE F--- back towards the city.

So the job hunt continues. One of my former coworkers actually hit me up a couple of minutes ago as I was hitting apply for another job and he's like.. hey you looking for a job still? Yeah.. I don't think I've hit reply on an email that fast in a long time. So we'll see how that goes.

I guess the new / current plan is.. find an IT job. Do it. Get in shape (really good shape) and look for / apply for a law enforcement job that I'd want to do. Ideally it would be pretty hot to work on computers and carry a gun and kick people in the face... yeah that sounds like a good day.

There's been rediculous storms out here as of late to. I'll laugh if I go to sleep (it happens sometimes) and wake up in Oz.

This blows.. I haven't been out of the house in days. Sure I guess that's on me but I just haven't really had the will to actually get out of bed or leave my room or do anything. It's not about the money though money is nice.. it's about being useful and doing something. I think that's why eventhough my last job before the whole corporate buyout thing, eventhough I worked mad hours, I liked it because it was like.. hey look at me doing something useful and getting paid for it. Sure it wasn't world changing or epic, but it was still like.. this is my ground, and I'm going to hold it, ya know?

More later must get back to applying for jobs people don't want to give me yet.

- D -

Serenity

(Ever notice how peacful, furry and warm cats look when they're sleeping? Damn.. I want to be a freakin cat.. an indoor cat that has nice owners that give me treats, catnip and random toys.. that would be great..and I could sleep all the time unlike right now.)

Moving on then..

We all have slumps and funks and bad things happen to us no matter how hard we try or how much we want things to be alright. In the end it just isn't always up to us no matter how hard you fight. It doesn't mean you should just lie down and accept it. I'll never accept things are predestined or fated to happen. And even after my last breath, I will always want to fight and to change the things that I refuse to agree with.

I've been digging Ayumi Hamsaki alot lately. Here and there I dip into J-Pop mode. Recently a friend of mine listened to some and she didn't dig it which is understandable. My reply was.. well usually most J-Pop I'll listen to it's hard to be upset or in a bad mood when you're listening to it. Not knowing how to speak or understand fluent Japanese (yet!) then you're forced to rely on the emotions and overall tones of a song. It's an interesting thing that I recommend to anyone. Listen to a song in a language you don't understand, really LISTEN to it. If you can connect to a song on an emotional level it just makes it even better than being able to understand the words themselves because you just *know* how it should make you feel.

There's many YouTube like sites out there. The latest I've delved into is http://www.crunchyroll.com. It's pretty great and I'm thinking about donating to watch stuff fullscreen/HiRes. Stage6.com is also pretty great. Between those three sites I almost don't watch TV aside from the Sci Fi Channel for series like Battlestar Galactica / Dr.Who / and Flash Gordon (which is actually pretty good).

My latest pursuit in this whole job thing has made me figure out that though the money is ridiculous in IT.. it's not something I want to do at all anymore. The mere thought of having to support people in that capacity or to deal with the day to day corporate life just makes me cringe. When I was younger I had tried to join the military.. Air Force cuz I always liked jets and such. Sadly.. being Type 2 Diabetic they gave me the verbal finger and said no. I bet had the 'war' been on when I had tried to get in, it would have been a different story. Anyway.. I've always had a sense that I should be doing something... 'more'. Not being able to do the volunteer trip in Thailand like I wanted to also bummed me out. So to cut a long story short.. I've decided I want to look into becoming a cop.. yeah I know right? Oddly.. many people that 'really' know me have said they could see me doing that and being good at it. Huh.. how bout that.. as generic as it sounds maybe I should be a police officer when I grow up eh? There has to be alot of physical training before I apply since there's this thing called the P.O.W.E.R. test you have to pass and all that. Damned if I want to be one of those cops who don't look like they could chase a one legged crook limping downhill.. you know what I mean... the hey pass me another deep fried twinkie types.

Again.. the whole not sleeping thing yet.. really opens your eyes and your mind to things. I lost my patience when speaking to Haruka earlier who's going through alot right now and I have to apologize to her for that. She's going through some tough times and her father is having some medical issues so please keep her in your thoughts and for those of you who pray, that to.

Today uhh.. I guess after I get some sleep, I'm supposed to trek out to hmm not sure what name to give him.. but anyway I'm supposed to go to my friend's place so we can discuss his screenplay that I want to turn into a novel since he hasn't really dont anything with it and I feel it's a solid story. He can write screenplays and outlines sure, story form, not so much. That's where I come in I suppose. Put a math equation in front of me and I'll draw you a stick figure. Give me something to write about, I'll ask you how many pages you want. So that should be interesting. That actually is another factor in the whole cop thing.

Somewhere along the line when I was growing up, I remember somebody saying.. write what you know about.. about your experiences and such. I need to experience.. well.. more. And ya know.. sitting in a high rise office building in a cubicle isn't going to bring many new and exciting experiences my way I feel.

Much to the dismay to a couple of people, I'm getting my firearm tomorrow. Hey.. if I'm going to pursue this cop thing I'll need to practice with that to right? Sides.. I'm a responsible adult.. no really. I'm not some gangsta thug that's gonna go rob the 7-11 down the street. So I'll have to name it after I get it because that's just what you do. I'm thinking it'll have to be a name from one of the characters from BSG since it kinda makes me think all sci fi lookin like.. Sharon perhaps?

Oh and later tonight I'm supposed to go to Gil's for a Tiki party.. huh.. not really sure how that works but whatever.. I should stop living in exile out here for a little bit. If it wasn't for the fact my sis has a DSL connection, I'd be living at the library or freakin Cyber Arena..

Anyway.. oh my damn, long post. I'm still not 100% positive about where or when I'm going to land with my working / living situation but hey.. what can you do besides adapt and move forward right?

I once dated a girl who was in AA a long long time ago. One of the things I admired about AA was the Serenity Prayer. Far be it for me to be all religious because well.. I'm not.. but I do like the words to it.

'God, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change;
the courage to change the things I can;
and the wisdom to know the difference.' -Reinhold Niebuhr

Moment of Clarity 07

It's interseting to me that if you don't sleep for over 24 hours your mind starts working (and not working) in different ways. It seems when I'm 'fully' awake my creativeness and imagination are a bit subdued since I'm constantly thinking about other things and stressing. The other day though I failed at the whole sleeping thing so I just kept on going until I passed out on a bed. During this time some ideas came to me about writing and I've since noted them. I also contacted a friend of mine we'll call him.. Stumpy (don't ask and no it's not what you're thinking you sicko). But this Saturday we're going to get together and go over some stuff he's written as well. He has a solid solid outline / screenplay that I've thought about for many years now from time to time. I've decided it's time to do something with it. So with his help and possibly Sakura's it's time for me to get back to writing.

It's an exciting prospect that I'm hoping to stick with and finish. Who knows it could be the path I'd like to follow seeing as how I enjoy doing IT work as much as sticking a fork in my eye.. nobody likes that.

I still have apps in to everywhere including out of state and hell out of country so we'll see how that goes. Maybe I should follow my sister's footsteps and go be a cop hehe.. but they don't get paid that well which in some cases is bullshit I think.

Either way.. it's just annoying not working. Damned if I feel like getting all emo and sitting in this room at my sister's at my computer and randomly sleeping. Need to find something just not sure what yet... boo. I need a compass.

Write more later.

- D -

AngryEmo.com

I should seriously register that domain name and put up a site.. why? Because I find it amusing :)

So it's the last week of working for 'The LandLord'. Layoff date is this Friday.. awesome. Still applying like mad for a job and have expanded the job search to different cities. San Jose, San Francisco, Monteray, LA, Santa Monica, OC, New York, Boston are some of the major ones outside of Chi.. someone needs to call me back and be like aw damn come work for us! People keep walking up to me at work today like.. HOLY CRAP! You still work here? Or.. wow! Your badge still works? (to get in the building

So.. I'm trying not to like this song... but it grows on you.. like fungus...

May The Gods Be Merciful

So for the last 'night' in New Mexico my sis and I are going to get out of this crap ass 'Leisure Inn' and go stay at the resort with the casino we went to a couple of days ago. Best name ever.. Inn of The Mountain Gods. It's on an Apache reservation and its freaking great. I'll be glad to get back to my style hotel/resort :)

Let's see some updates;

Carlsbad Caverns was pretty cool.. that's alot of walking. Took pics like a japanese tourist (minus pics of girls in school unfiorms) and I'll post a link to everything taken from the trip after I get back and have a chance to upload and resize etc. Def worth the drive, anyone who wants to see something cool and well pretty much not man made save for the lights that were added should check it out of they can.

Oh also forgot.. on the first day we were here.. we flew into El Paso, TX and after driving for a couple of hours we hit New Mexico and the Border Patrol had a road block type thing setup I'm guessing to look for uhh.. illegal.. workers? hehe.. anyway.. we pull up and I roll down the window.. the border patrol guy was like... Are you two US Citizens? I look at him and say.. Yep? He looks at us, looks in the backseat says ok and waves us through... Awesome. So.. apparently eventhough Texas is ya know on the border with Mexico the Border Patrol will wait to look for people until you hit New Mexico... brilliant.

Let's see couple of other things to mention today.. there was a costume show at the UFO Festival.. and no there were not hot blue or green women walking around scantly clad.. well ok there was one that MAY have been kinda cute but she was blue and well you couldn't really tell under the makeup. Captain Kirk would have been sad. The dogs and the kids' costumes were cute though. No pics of that because.. well.. it was hot out.

My sis and I also stopped at one of the booths at the festival and had pics of our auras taken. Yes you didn't read that wrong. It was actually kinda cool and disturbingly accurate. I've always been open minded about well.. everything but after doing some research into my results I have to say it's pretty dead on. Maybe Joan's sis-in-law knows stuff the rest of us don't... This was the equipment they used.. 6k for one of those machines at least.. jeez http://www.auraphoto.com/index1.shtml. I'll have to scan the report later and post it.. pretty wild stuff. Didn't take a pic of Chase Masterson because she wasn't the actress I thought she was oops. Did take a pic of Dean Hagel because well... it was sad and he used to be on the X-Files.

After the costume show stuff we walked on by a random Video Game Tournament by Midnight Gaming sponsored by McDonalds. Entry was free and we had time to kill before the night parade for the festival so I signed up. You were only allowed to play in one game of the games avail for the tournament. I picked Super Smash Bros for the Gamecube. Now.. keep in mind I've never played it.. short summary I beat a bunch of people and took 2nd losing to a kid (least he was 18), who showed up with his own controller and memory card to load his own custom character. Yeah.. once I saw he had all that crap I was like.. awesome. So he won a trip to Dallas to play in the national championships for 3k as first prize.. and for second place I got interviewed and was given a t-shirt. Was sad to since people working the event were cheerin for me. I'll have to see when I'm on TV or a podcast for the interviews I did. All I can say is at least it wasn't a game that I've been playing for awhile that I lost at.. I'd of had to walked off a cliff if I lost a Counterstrike tournament or something of that nature.

Just remember kids... Second place is the First Loser.. DOH! =P

More later (insert fob) Please to enjoy INN OF THE MOUNTAIN GODS after we have arrivaled. (end fob)

- Lakota

The Truth Isn't Out there, It's Here...

Currently on vacation with my sis in Roswell, NM.

Will post pics and all that when I get back next week.
This weekend should be interesting as all the geeks (I spose I'm one of them...) arrive for the 60th Roswell UFO Aniv.

Here's some quick notes;

Casino night tonight went quite well. There was a hot firework show there..guess they can afford the good shiat.
Saw a road sign with bullet holes.
It's hot here.
Roswell the TV show was in fact not filmed in Roswell, NM but in Cali.
I ate at a place called the Cover Up Cafe this morning.
I bought a new camera, its a digi Sony Cybershot.. it rocks hence pics coming soon.
I'm driving a Dodge Charger as my rental. Damn.. they're bigass cars.
My blackberry gets NO reception here. (Have my 630 cell with me)
The hotel I'm staying in.. lacks but its ok.
Going to go explore some caverns tomorrow in Carlsbad... ever see 'The Cave'?
Saw the guy from the Lone Gunmen / XFiles.. the one with long blonde hair. He cut it. He looks like a dork. Yes. Well.. I guess more so.

Dattebayo

Wow.. last post May 17th, 2007 eh? Well.. that's great.

So I'm trying to get my life back on track and stop slacking. There's a couple of jobs I'm applying for so hopefully one of those two pans out since they're gov jobs which apparently are more secure than private sector after you've been there for a couple of years.

Lay off date is quickly approaching. July 20th. I may not be able to follow through with the original plan of going to Thailand to do volunteer work. Mainly because of the fact that you have to raise or pay around $1500 out of pocket to go help people.. what kind of crap is that??

The current lease ends August 1st, so I need to sort this job thing out quickly so I can figure out around where it would be more convenient to live and all that.

Right now I'm just focusing on paying off bills and rebuilding credit. (Don't ask, but needless to say it sucks right now).

Yup.. need to reevaulate alot of things.

- D -

Not much

Not much has changed really. Still in drift mode trying to figure out what I want to do come September when I get laid off. Still not sure if I even want to stay in state. Guh.. weak... A friend of mine also recently passed away. It was tough not to think about her on Mother's Day as well as she had a young daughter. So sad.. wow I don't even want to talk about that.

I heart this song. I've recently been on a Delerium kick lately as I find the music inspires me to actually be creative and do something in that regard. This video's a bit weak since it uses KH2 for it.. but some of the scenes capture what I'd like to do with a high end video camera and various people. Yes.

System Shock

I'm on holiday right now in Florida. Be back next Monday.



Maybe I'll get some writing done while I'm down here.. or at least some reading.

Roxas

So.. my sister has this song on her ring tone, and after calling so many times it has burned itself into my head...

Nelly Furtado - Say It Right

(Look it's not a Final Fantasy video hehe)

Job update

Daaaaaaamn you got knocked the 'F' out...

Yeah.. so last day at this job will be September 28th..

Not to sure what I'm going to do yet.. still want to go
overseas for a little bit... do some volunteer work etc.
Feel like I need to clean out my soul a bit and do something
good for the world. Heh.



Yes its an FF video.. what can you do. I find it amusing
this is now the theme song to my life until my last day
at this company.

- D -

Can't forget bout X and X-2

Sniff.. so sad...

Gimme the cassshhh

So.. I'm hoping I do get laid off and given a sev package.

The plan so far if this happens.

1. Habitat for Humanity in Thailand. (1 mth)

2. Travel around random destinations (Romania, Bali, Japan, Taiwan, London, Greece, France) Ok maybe I wouldn't hit those all in one month but you get the idea.. I want to travel a bit. (1 mth)

3. Come back decide if I want to stay in state or not. If not, decide where to go and deal with all the details involved.

4. Find new job that pays the same I'm getting now if not more. (wishful thinking?)

5. Get new job. Adapt. Laugh like the guy from the 7-up commercial back in the day.

- D -

I am however resigned to the idea that because I WANT to be laid off and given the package, I probably instead will be offered a position I don't want and not get the package. Cynical? Pessimistic? Na.. just as always hoping for the best, expecting the worst.

When I was a young boy...

My Chemical Romance - Welcome to the Black Parade.. Final Fantasy style.. nice.

Life's a journey not a destination

Cmon.. ninjas.. anime girls.. video games.. Aerosmith.

Cloud! Tifa!

Why am I just posting videos? I dunno.. it's amusing I guess and so I can just come here to watch it later instead of looking it up again.

Youtube is getting sued. Boo. Stupid people.

Anyway.. this song fits well with the way this video is edited hahaha.

Each and Every Word

Ah.. good times.

Look in the mirror

Mirrormask

The song from the movie was in my head cuz it sounds semi creepy yet cool.. yes.

- D -

Like walking on train tracks

Have Gun Will Travel reads the card of a man.
A knight without armor in a savage land.

His fast gun for hire heeds the calling wind.
A soldier of fortune is the man called Paladin.

Paladin, Paladin Where do you roam?
Paladin, Paladin, Far, far from home.

He travels on to wherever he must
A chess knight of silver is his badge of trust

There are campfire legends that the trailmen spin
Of the man with the gun
Of the man called Paladin

Paladin Paladin Where do you roam?
Paladin Paladin Far, far from home
Far from home. Far from home.

If I leave here tomorrow

I'll never understand why it seems that in our most confused sleep deprived states, we can have our deepest moments of clarity and soul searching. I think it may have to do with the fact that it's more of our subconscious thinking than our conscious mind allowing us to not be hindered by our inhibitions or fears. How's that for some deep thoughts?

I dunno why but I've been digging on Freebird lately. Maybe it's the words or maybe it was a past life as a hippy. I'm not sure though. If I had a choice back in the day between being a hippy or a slacker 'greaser' / biker type it'd be tough. I think those thoughts were generated by watching a Back to the Future marathon last weekend.

Sat and Sun (Yesterday and the day before) I spent random hours sleeping and my sleep schedule is pretty screwed right now. Had a disturbing nightmare though on Sunday morning / afternoon where I was being attacked by a cross of the wraith prison guard things from Harry Potter and the riders from Lord of the Rings. It was pretty disturbing. Black shadowy figures with bright white faces.. well not really faces but circles in the hood with bright light. Basically I would stand in a room then suddenly it would get really dark and I'd squint and not be able to see anything. Then the creature would appear and would get really bright and I'd feel this pressure on my chest. Haruka was in the dream to and I remember asking her if it was dark but she didn't see anything out of the ordinary. It was pretty stressful and I so didn't wake up rested. Meh.. for all I know the pressure on my chest was a cat sleeping on my chest... what.. its a big cat..

At least after work today I'll finally get the tire on my car fixed. Got alot of stuff I need to do. Clean the apartment. Get caught up on my credit cards.. well at least get the process of getting that 'set up' and cleaned up. That's gonna suck.

Freebird - Lynyrd Skynyrd