Crack your bones

To sum up my Chiropractor experience yesterday I offer this excerpt from the transcript of Eddie Izzard's Dressed to Kill show.

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So I had to go see a chiropractor, in New York. And um, they’re different to osteopaths, chiropractors, because of the spelling. And, uh… Of course, they’re both very powerful figures on the Scrabble board, though… “Chiropractor…chiropractor…chiropractor…93 letters, chiropractor.”

And – and they, uh, they crack your bones – that’s what they do – they crack your bones! And they take x-rays – what – at this point – this – because – this – whatever is wrong with you – “You’ve got a bad back, I’m gonna crack your bones. You’ve got diphtheria – I’m gonna crack your bones. Your head’s come off! I’m gonna crack your bones. It looks like your mother! I’m going to crack your – “ you know…

And then when they crack your bones it goes uuuughhhh and then ahhhhhhh but not sort of ahhhhhhhhh but sort – ahhhhhhhhh! All the way up your spine, “Crack your bones, crack your bones, crack your bones.” And they sort of arrange you into a – a nice, comfortable – ahhhhcharrghh!…ahhhhpoughhh! And sometimes it doesn’t crack! Sometimes it just goes, “____”. Then they pull a mallet from their belt and they – “Try to make the noise! Make the noise! I live for the noise…” And they do your head as well, around here, and they get it into a nice posit – and you’re thinking, “Wh – wh – where – wh – where – the – wh – the – uh, no I don’t think it’s supposed to go around that – !…”

In the end you just trust them, you trust them. They could have your fingers – their fingers in your nostrils, one foot on the back of your underpants, and they’re pushing your spine away with a broom. “Well, what’s this one about?” “I have no idea.”
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Overall it was kind of neat. I was hooked up to a machine that pretty much was shooting electricity into my back. Unfortunately it did not give me the ability to shoot lightning from my fingertips.. I'll have to ask him to turn it higher next time. I was also on this rolling machine that I feel is a modern day torture device. Sure it's supposed to "massage" your spine but if you're going to the Chiropractor obviously you're back / spine probably hurt.. mmm logic.

I'm getting old. *sigh*

- D -

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Nirvana - The Man Who Sold The World
We passed upon the stairs,
We spoke of was and when
Although I wasn?t there
He said I was his friend
Which came as a surprise
I spoke into his eyes -- I thought you died alone
A long long time ago

Oh no, not me,
We never lost control,
You're face to face,
With the man who sold the world

I laughed and shook his hand,
I made my way back home,
I searched for form and land,
Years and years I roamed,
I gazed a gazely stare,
We walked a million hills -- I must have died alone,
A long long time ago.

Who knows, not me,
I never lost control,
You?re face, to face,
With the man who sold the world.